My favorite healthy meal

Here is the recipe for the best soup ever! It's extremely healthy and it lasts for DAYS. It also feels like comfort food. I haven't counted the calories, but it's all vegetables, so I'm sure it's relatively low.

So I get out my big pot from Ikea that I love so much. And I just start dumping the following things in:

3 cans chili-ready diced tomatoes--I use cheap Great Value brand from Wal-Mart
4 cans of water (using one of the tomato cans)
2 packages of taco seasoning
1 can mild Rotel (use spicier if you like spicy)
3 cans black beans
1 bag frozen corn
1 bag frozen green beans
1 bag frozen carrots
1 bag seasoning blend of chopped onions and green peppers

Once everything is in the pot, put the stove on medium to high and stir every 10 minutes or so. It takes about 45 minutes for it to be ready. However, it's even better if you put it in the refrigerator overnight after it's been cooked, then take it out the next day and have it for lunch. All the flavors have come together by then and it's excellent! So I usually have my first bowl the following day.

To make it even more hearty, you can add a little bit of low-fat grated cheddar cheese and have it with a few crackers. I've never counted the number of servings, but it's at least 8 or so.

If I have this soup in my refrigerator, it is soooo easy to bypass fast food because nothing sounds as good as this soup! I made it last night and had it for breakfast and lunch today! Yummy!

New attitude

I am changing my attitude.

For the past couple of years, I've had the attitude that in order to lose weight, I must NEVER put into place habits that I'm not willing to keep forever.

This philosophy came about for very good reason. Many years ago, I lost over 100 pounds by killing myself working out everyday and being extremely active and eating VERY healthy 90 percent of the time.

Once I reached my goal weight, I began to slack off on the working out and I gradually started eating more and more crap again. I never completely went back to the terrible diet I had before I lost all the weight, but just slacking off and not being as strict caused me to pack the pounds back on QUICKLY---plus about 50 EXTRA pounds.

Therefore, I created the new philosophy that to lose weight again, I would never do anything that I wasn't willing to do for the rest of my life because I never wanted to gain the weight back again (plus more), once it was lost.

That has really hurt me.

For example, when I think, "Man, I should really try to work out a couple of times a day to get this weight off." I immediately think, "Wait a minute. I don't want to work out twice a day for the rest of my life, so I shouldn't get my body used to that now. I'll just gain it all back."

Another example: I think, "I should really stop eating fast food while I'm trying to lose weight." I immediately think, "Wait a minute. I don't want to not ever eat fast food for the rest of my life. So I shouldn't start that now. I'll just gain it all back."

Therefore, it's always "okay" in my mind to eat fast food or eat junk food because I never want to completely give that up. It's never a "bad thing" in my mind, when in reality, it is a bad thing because it's too much a part of my regular eating habits right now.

I feel like I'm rambling and not making sense.

Point is--I'm changing my attitude. Watching the Biggest Loser and hearing Biggest Loser winner Danny Cahill talk---he talks about two different modes. There is "losing weight mode" and there is "maintaining mode".

It wasn't the "losing weight" mode that failed me before. I had GREAT success there!! It was the "MAINTAINING MODE" that failed me. That's what I didn't do right. I slacked off too much, too soon.

And why am I so worried about the "maintaining mode" when I am still 150 pounds overweight!!?? I need to be focused on the "losing weight mode"!

So my new attitude---do what it takes to get this freakin' weight OFF now. I'm not talking about taking pills or doing anything extreme. I'm talking about healthy eating and exercise. I'm giving myself permission to totally cut out fast food for now. I'm giving myself permission to work out several times a day for now. Do what it takes to get the weight off now.

Worry about maintaining when the time comes. Focus on losing weight.

New blog title!

I love my new blog title! It was "Fat to Fit in 2009", however, that was not practical. It's going to take lots of small steps for me to become fit. I've made great progress in 2009. But, if I do it the way I really want to do it, it's going to take a much longer time for me to get to the "fit" category.

Therefore, I changed the title of my blog.

"FIT BEFORE 40!"

I love it! I turned 37 years old last month. That gives me almost 3 years. Does it mean I'm going to slack off for 2 years, then try to cram it all in? No. That gives me time to continue to make the small changes I've been making on my road to health.

I am determined to get fit without the assistance of surgery. I have several friends who have had the lapband or gastric bypass done in the last couple of years and they have had HUGE success. Good for them! I have been rooting them on the whole time and have been super excited for them. But I really feel like this is something I need to do without surgery, although I haven't ruled out surgery as an option later on down the road if I'm not making real progress on my own.

One way or another, I WILL be fit before 40.

Accountability

Well, I wanted accountability. Now I've got accountability.

In the last couple of years, when I've tried to lose weight, I mostly did it silently. I didn't talk about my weight much. I didn't want others to know what I was doing, because what if I failed? I didn't want to be embarrassed. I didn't want everyone to know what a failure I was.

So this time around, I thought I needed more accountability. I needed more support for my weight loss battle. So I've been telling everyone!! I'm sure people are sick of me talking about it!

Here is some of the accountability I have right now:

1. I have my own accountability group of 7 awesome women!! We are all working on our own goals, but my biggest one is "extreme self care" and becoming healthy. We meet once a month and talk about the progress we've made on our goals.

2. I joined a "First Place" weight loss group. We meet every Thursday and weigh in and share our struggles and victories with each other. It is also very new.

3. I joined a much smaller gym in town and got to know the owner/personal trainer there. That keeps me more accountable because the gym is small enough that she easily knows who is there and who is not! Again---a new thing for me.

4. I signed up for a "Biggest Loser" fundraiser for my favorite non-profit--- http://www.discovery-training.com/ . I ask people to "sponsor" me and for each pound I lose by Jan. 16th, they donate a certain amount to the non-profit. For example, ifi someone sponsors me for $2 a pound and I lose 20 pounds during that time, the person donates $40. I have about 15 people signed up to sponsor me so far and I don't want to have to tell them, "Uhmmm...I owe you money. I gained 5 pounds." People are asking me all the time how I'm doing! (It just started Oct. 10th.)

5. Not to mention, this blog. This blog itself is giving me accountability because I'm putting all this out into the world and being incredibly honest. I'm still struggling to make lasting progress, but I haven't given up and I won't until I'm healthy. I will get there.

The accountability is really kicking in. That's a very good thing.

I miss diet coke!!

I'm definitely cutting down on aspartame. I'm down to about two diet cokes a week. That is a big improvement! By the end of the month, I hope to have Diet Coke out of my diet for good.

But I've cut out everything else with aspartame---it's amazing how many products have it! The rest were relatively easy to cut out. The Diet Coke is the toughest one.

I think about having one every single day!

Another positive---when I used to order diet coke, I now order water. So I'm not only getting less aspartame, but I'm getting more water!

Aspartame

The road to health and fitness isn't just about losing weight and counting calories. I want to be HEALTHY. I want to take care of my body and fuel it with good things---not a bunch of crap and chemicals, like I've been doing the last few years.

So in addition to working out and eating better overall, I'm choosing one bad thing at a time to stop digesting. The first one I'm working on is ASPARTAME and all other chemically-produced sugar substitutes.

When I first started using sugar substitutes many years ago, like most people, I thought I was doing a good thing. I was cutting calories, right? That's good for me, right? Wrong.

According to Food and Drug Administration (FDA) aspartame (in products like Equal and most "sugar-free" or "light" food items) has 92 listed side effects including memory loss, nerve cell damage, migraines, reproductive disorders, mental confusion, brain lesions, joint pain, Alzheimer's, bloating, nervous system disorders, hair loss, food cravings and weight gain.

I have been FILLING myself with Aspartame the last few years. Again, I thought I was doing something good. I switched from:

• Pepsi/Coke to Diet Pepsi/Coke
• Yogurt to "Light" Yogurt
• Jello Pudding to "Sugar-Free" Jello Pudding
• Putting sugar in my iced tea to putting "Equal" (aspartame) in my iced tea
• Putting sugar in my coffee to putting "Equal" (aspartame) in my coffee
• Putting sugar in my oatmeal to putting "Equal" (aspartame) in my oatmeal

And the list goes on. I used to buy a 200-pack box of Equal every 3-4 weeks. Used every bit of it each time and would panic when I ran out. I made this total switch about 7 years ago.

Have I lost weight during that time? No. I've gained weight. A lot of it.

Another thing that's happened to me during that time span is that I've been losing my hair. It started in a big way about 2002. I used to have the thickest, most beautiful hair. Suddenly, it was just everywhere. Every time I brushed my hair, it was just all over the place.

I asked my hair stylist about it in 2002, and she said women go thru periods of "shedding" their hair and it would probably stop soon. Well, it didn't. For 7 years, I've been losing hair and couldn't figure out why.

Now, I don't know for sure if the large amounts of aspartame have caused this, but it seems like there could be a correlation there. I'm anxious to see if my hair continues to fall out after a few months of my aspartame-ban.

So yesterday, for the first time, I bought regular yogurt, instead of light yogurt. The regular yogurt is 170 calories, while the light yogurt is around 100 calories.

It seems counter-intuitive to go UP in calories to be more healthy, but it's not just about weight loss. It's about my overall health and TAKING CARE of my body.

The diet pepsi/coke is going to be the hardest one to get rid of. It may take me a few weeks. But I can do it.

So my October challenge---GET RID OF ASPARTAME!!

Good month

Well, I went through the whole month of September without a post here! However, that doesn't mean I haven't been making progress in my health and fitness journey. I made sooooo much progress in September!!

I started doing 6:30 a.m. workouts at a local gym---that has been going GREAT. As much as I would like to workout at ANY OTHER TIME besides 6:30 a.m., it's just not practical. Getting up earlier to work out is just the ONLY time I know nothing else will get in the way. So it's the only time of the day I've been able to be consistent.

I just have to accept that I will be starting every weekday (unless I'm sick or on vacation) with a workout for the rest of my life. It needs to be a lifelong habit, if I'm going to be healthy and fit. Once I accept this fact and stop moaning and groaning about it, the better off I will be.

Also in the month of September: I joined a new weight loss group that I'm very excited about, I am working with a personal trainer who is really helping to keep me accountable (and makes sure I show up for those 6:30 a.m. workouts!), I started walking my dog to get some extra exercise in and I am filling my mind with healthy thoughts by reading books on health and fitness.

The one I've read the most is "Skinny B*tch". Yes, the name of the book has an obscenity in it, which I don't like because it makes it more difficult to talk about or recommend to anyone! And the book itself is filled with profanity, which makes it even harder!

But it is one of the best health books I've ever read. It is real and very straight-forward and also quite entertaining to read (if you can get past the profanity), while still being incredibly informative.

I'll talk more about this book in future posts, but it is really having a positive effect on me.

September has been a GREAT month for me. I'm really on the right track---food and exercise both---and it will just get better in October!

No excuses

You know that little voice inside of you that stops you from trying to do the thing you know you need to do? I call it the "excuses" voice. It comes up EVERY TIME I am planning to do something I need to do. And I have to learn to recognize it and FIGHT it.

For example, say it is almost lunchtime. Here is the conversation in my head.

Me: "Maybe I'll have a spinach salad with grilled chicken."
Excuses voice: "But wouldn't a trip to the drive-thru at Jack In the Box be so much easier?"
Excuses voice continues: "You can have a salad tonight. One drive-thru meal isn't going to hurt you."
Excuses voice keeps going: "Besides, you have so much work to do. It would take much less time to drive thru Jack In the Box."
Excuses voice keeps going: "Plus, the salad would only keep you full for an hour or maybe two hours at the most. You'll just have to stop again and fix something else. You are just too busy for that. You need to get filled up enough to work for the next 4-5 hours."
Excuses voice keeps going: "You can have the salad another time. It's just one meal."

Notice the "me" voice never comes back. I almost always let the excuses voice keep going and talk me into doing what I really shouldn't do. It just keeps going and going until it convinces me. This happens with what I eat, exercising, cleaning house and every other thing I know I need to do (and sometimes even WANT to do), but I let that stupid voice win too many times.

It reared it's ugly head again tonight. But I won. The trick is recognizing it immediately and shutting it OFF.

I was planning to go to my exercise Zumba class tonight at the gym. My son was going to go to the gym with me, however, he came home from school with a headache and took some Advil and laid down.

The excuses voice started in immediately.

Excuses voice: "Well, since Blake isn't going, you really don't need to waste the gas...." I shut it down and completely put it out of mind.
As I'm putting on my workout clothes, it comes back.
Excuses voice: "You really don't have time to do this. You are on deadline and you have so much work...." I shut it down again, literally shook my head and kept moving forward.
On the WAY to the gym:
Excuses voice: "You know you don't even really have to go to the class. You can just walk around a store for a little bit and......" Shut it down again. Shook it out of my head.

The more I shut it down, the less the voice was able to get out. All the way to the class it kept trying to come up but I shut it down immediately, made it to my Zumba class, did the full hour (excuses voice was even trying to justify leaving early!!!!) and felt GREAT afterwards.

Not just from the exercising, but I felt victorious over that excuses voice that has mostly succeeded in keeping me from the life and health I deserve!!!

I think if I can remain aware of that voice and recognize it when it comes up, it could really make a HUGE impact on reaching my health and fitness goals.

Putting it all together

Well, I had my exercise going GREAT in July. But my food was very bad.

In August, I really improved a LOT in my food, but with my new job I didn't make the time for exercise. Then towards the end of the month when I corrected the "time" problem and MADE the time for exercise, I just flat out didn't do it.

Is September the month I finally put it all together?

I'm feeling pretty good about it!

Favorite meals

Here are some of my favorite meals that are helping me eat more nutritious!

Favorite Breakfast:

• 2 veggie sausage patties (Morningstar) and a fat-free Yoplait yogurt----LOVE this breakfast and it keeps me full for hours!!
• Small bowl of oatmeal with a little bit of honey for sweetness, with fruit such as strawberries or an apple
• Fat-free Yoplait yogurt with fruit---love to put blueberries in the Strawberry/Banana flavored one---and a Fiber One granola bar
• Fiber One Honey Clusters cereal with Light Vanilla Soy milk and fruit

With most breakfast meals, I have a 16 ounce bottle of water with the Lipton Green Tea "Energize" packet---blueberry/pomegranate flavor. (This is like my "coffee", since I don't do coffee!)

Favorite Lunch/Dinner:

• Sliced Chicken Breast on top of a HUGE pile of baby spinach leaves and tomatoes with just a touch of light ranch dressing---makes an enormous and wonderful salad
• 2 Wasa multi-grain crackers topped with turkey and half a slice of cheddar cheese
• Chicken breast with 2 vegetables---such as carrots, broccoli, black beans and big pile of baby spinach leaves
• Light, multi-grain Flat-Out wrap filled with salsa, black beans, onions, tomatoes, bell peppers, low fat grated cheese and mushrooms----this is by far my FAVORITE!!! Sooooooo good!
• Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice meal--always an easy stand-by if needed for time and convenience!
• One slice of whole grain bread with peanut butter (spread lightly) and honey with a fat-free yogurt or fruit
• 2 Garden Veggie Burger patties (Morningstar) with a big pile of baby spinach leaves---LOVE this meal, too!! I also have a very small amount of light ranch I dip each bite of the patty in

Favorite Snacks:

• sliced green apple
• banana
• Fiber One granola bar
• Those little Del Monte cups of Pineapple slices you find in the produce section----LOVE these!!!!! So refreshing!!
• All-Bran garlic and herb crackers with hummus
• Fat-free Yoplait yogurt---favorite flavors are Orange, White Chocolate/Strawberry, Strawberry/Banana and Cinnamon Roll
• Handful of almonds
• Strawberries
• Orange
• Purple seedless grapes!

Yummy!

Getting older

I am on track. I'm eating better than ever. My new job is making it more challenging to find the time to exercise, so that has stalled the last couple of weeks. However, I am working all that out and know I'll have a good routine down soon so that I'm taking care of myself.

I'm feeling a real shift in my mindset about health and fitness. It's a very good thing.

I'm 36 years old---going to be 37 in a couple of months. Health and fitness is becoming less about "looking good" and feeling confident and more about preventing sickness, disease and living a long life.

I am really starting to get freaked out about what horrible shape I'm in. The older I get, the more it's going to cause major, major problems.

Right now, even though I'm over 100 pounds overweight, I am soooo fortunate to not have any major health problems. But that will absolute change if I don't do something very, very, very soon. I'm reaching a real critical point in my life where my health and fitness matters a lot more to my life. I feel it so strongly.

What I eat matters more than ever right now. How much I exercise matters so much more now. It's not about looks. It's about being alive and LIVING. When I think about it that way, I feel such a sense of urgency that I didn't feel before.

I want to protect my body as much as I can against things like stroke, heart attacks, diabetes, cancer and all those other things. I don't have control over it 100 percent, but I have a lot of control over it.

What I eat and how much I move makes a HUGE difference in combatting sickness and disease. Again, even the most healthy people get sick. But I am at MUCH greater risk at my current state of health.

I'm just feeling such a wake-up call lately. I've GOT to change now.

10 pounds!!

I've lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks!

Obviously, I won't keep up that pace. My body is just shocked by all the changes!! But it sure is nice to get a little boost.

Some of my clothes are already too big on me! THAT is a great feeling!!

So I'm keeping it up. Healthy food and exercise---the old-fashioned way.

Weigh-in day!

I'm weighing and measuring myself every Friday and this week I lost 5 pounds in my quest to lose 50 pounds by Dec. 1!! Woooo-hooooo!! That is a good start!

I have eaten so well this week. Not perfect, but better than I've eaten in a long time over the course of a week. It really helped to keep my little mini-fridge stocked with healthy food that I really enjoy.

I never felt deprived at all. The one thing I probably did was eat TOO MUCH healthy food, but I'm going one step at a time. And my first step is switching to healthy food. The next step will focus on quantity. Right now I'm just going to focus on cutting out the junk. I'm not going to worry about quantity right now.

One of the best things I did was to cook 12 chicken breasts one night---with sesame ginger marinade yummm!!!---so they were ready and already cooked to eat conveniently all week long. Put a couple of vegetable sides with it and had a great meal!

I actually lost some inches, too, during this first week. I'm measuring just about everything---waist, hips, chest, elbow, neck, etc.---15 different body parts! I lost a total of 9.25 inches!

So Week 1----down 5 pounds and 9.25 inches.

Good start.

Good day

1. Got my new mini-fridge stocked with healthy food! (see pic)

2. After being laid off for six months, I got a job today!!!! AND it's even a job I will really love! Woooo-hoooooo!!!!

Oh yes.

It has been a good day.

Food list

Got my new mini-refrigerator yesterday! I really needed it, because I am now renting part of a family's house and there is just very little room in their refrigerator for me to stock healthy food. So that was a really positive step for me.

Now I will stock it with healthy food!

With my goal of losing 50 pounds in the next 19 weeks ( right before I go on the already paid-for and scheduled December cruise with my mom and sister), I will stock that refrigerator with healthy food I LOVE. Then I'm eating only this healthy food every 2-3 hours and giving myself one cheat day (Saturdays) for the first month at least. That way, when I crave crappy food I can at least tell myself, "I can have that on Saturday," and it won't seem so bad.

I'm weighing and measuring myself every Friday to measure my progress. I'm already exercising, so I just need to get the food part going.

I'm focusing on healthy food I really, really enjoy. And there is actually a lot of it! Here is what I will keep on hand as much as possible---as my budget allows.

• Almonds
• Chicken Breast
• Salmon
• Black beans
• Light Vanilla Soy Milk
• Skim Milk
• Fiber One Honey Cluster Cereal
• Bananas
• Strawberries
• Purple seedless grapes
• Pineapple---my favorite!!!
• Oranges
• Green apples
• Protein powder for protein shakes
• Mushrooms
• Green bell peppers
• Tomatoes
• Onions
• Salsa
• Low-fat shredded cheese
• Deli sliced turkey
• Wasa multigrain crackers
• Whole grain bread
• Oatmeal
• Peanut Butter
• Honey
• Wraps--high fiber, whole grain
• Mixed frozen vegetables that I can steam in steamer bags
• Yoplait fat-free yogurt
• Blueberries---to put in yogurt
• Fresh spinach
• Light ranch dressing--to drizzle only
• Baby carrots
• Fiber One granola bars
• Fat-free jello pudding
• Eggs--hard boiled
• Lean Cuisine meals---for when I'm really in a crunch for time, I know it's not ideal
• Veggie sausage patties--LOVE the Morningstar Farms Veggie Sausage Patties
• Veggie burgers---LOVE the Morningstar Farms Garden Veggie Patties

I won't be able to get all this every week, but this is my list to choose from. Then I can get what I can afford and what I have room for in my little mini-fridge each week.

And I really do LOVE all the food on this list! It's just a matter of making it a priority to have these foods handy, and making the time to prepare these foods.

Friday is my first weigh-in day!

19 Weeks

I'm already scheduled and paid to go on a 5-day cruise to Mexico the second week of December. That's coming up pretty soon! Wooo-hoooooo!!! I'm going to use that cruise as short-term motivation to lose weight. My goal is to lose 50 pounds before the cruise. It's definitely do-able if I get on the ball NOW.

I have all of August, September, October and November to lose that 50 pounds. From today, I have exactly 19 weeks until I go on the cruise. That's an average of 2.6 pounds a week. That's a very healthy amount to lose on average.

I'm doing great on my workouts. I'm feeling stronger, more healthy, more fit. I feel like I have more energy. I don't get tired or need to sit down nearly as often---hardly at all. And that is a HUGE difference from just a couple of months ago. 24 Hour Fitness, Zumba classes and walking around big stores is really working for me in this record Texas heat!!

However, on my food, I'm not doing well at all. So my bad-food-eating is totally cancelling out my working out, so that I've lost very little weight (if any) even though I'm feeling more energy and more stamina due to my workouts.

In my new living situation, it is more challenging to eat healthy. But that's no excuse. I need to be more pro-active and make sure I can eat healthy food I like at every meal.

My next lily pad is to buy a small refrigerator to put in my room so that I have space of my own to keep healthy food. I've got my exercise going---now I need to focus on food, which is the most important part.

Lily pads

I heard a quote the other day from Clinton Kelly on the television show "What Not To Wear" that really got my attention. I'm paraphrasing, but he said something like, "You don't try to make a huge leap when trying to get to the other side of the river. You just go one lily pad at a time. So only focus on the lily pad right in front of you."

This is so key for me in my health and fitness journey. I have a perfectionist mindset. All or nothing. And it sets me up for failure every time. Every single time. I know this. But I keep doing it anyway.

I have a LONG way to go in my health and fitness journey. The river I'm crossing is very, very wide. I need to lose about 150 pounds to get to my ideal goal weight. Yes, that is a WIDE river.

And my focus has been on the other side. That is NOT working.

I have to focus solely on the next lily pad. The next step. One more small step each time. That's all I need to focus on for right now---not the whole journey. That's too overwhelming.

I'm also going to stop talking about what I'm "going to do" on this blog. When I make promises, then don't keep them, I feel even more like a failure and I hide out. That doesn't help me at all.

So I'm going to switch and talk about what I ALREADY DID. What I AM DOING. Not what I'm "going to do". My focus needs to be on communicating what action I AM TAKING. Not what action I'm "going to take". That's not working either.

I'm a planner and a thinker. I will analyze and plan things to death. But that's not what matters. It's the ACTION that matters.

So here is what I HAVE DONE in the last few weeks, since I lasted posted on this blog:

1. Regular Zumba classes at 24 Hour Fitness. I have gone to every Zumba class, which is a one-hour dance cardio class. I LOVE it!! I wish all exercise was this much fun! I actually look forward to it! I just wish they offered it more than twice a week. I am looking into other Zumba classes in the area, though. So hopefully I can go more often since this is exercise that is really working for me, as far as actually DOING it.

2. Started regular "window shopping". I try to "window shop" in at least 2 stores once a day. I'm so excited to be in an area that has big stores again!! I can spend a couple of hours browsing through stores like Ross and TJ Maxx and I don't have to spend a thing. But it keeps me on my feet and it is building my stamina.

3. Regular gym workouts. In addition to Zumba, I also go to the gym at least 3-4 times a week for regular workouts. Now these workouts have been far from stellar. But each time I do some kind of cardio and some kind of strength exercises. They are not what they should be yet, but it's another lily pad. Right now, I'm getting myself there and I'm going through the motions. The intensity will come.

4. Taking a multivitamin. I'm finally getting this habit going again. I've taken one every day for the last two weeks. So I'm doing really well, here.

That is progress!!! It really does feel so much better to post victories, rather than plans!

One lily pad at a time. That's my new mantra.

Progress...finally!

I am finally making REAL progress in my health and fitness journey!

I have officially moved to my new location where I have many more opportunities presented to me. It feels soooo amazing. I feel like I can breathe. I feel like I have energy again.

There was nothing wrong with the town I lived in before---it was my hometown. A very small East Texas town. For small towns, it's very nice.

I'm just not a small town kind of girl. I felt like I was suffocating there and it definitely had an impact on gaining all this weight back. I gained it all back when I moved BACK to that small town. It's my fault. I let it happen. But I wasn't happy in that environment and I used food and slothlike behavior to cope.

Now I'm back in a real city. I've only been here for a few days, but, WOW, what a difference!!! I feel like I'm coming alive again!!! Woooo-hooooooooo!!! You think that will help me in my health and fitness journey???? Heck, yeah!!

So I've made some major progress just in the few days I've been here:

1. I now have a one-year membership to 24-Hour Fitness for myself and my fitness-obsessed 16-year-old son. I worked out for the first time there today and did a Zumba class!!! Loved it! Also did a "Amp'd Abs" class, which was also beneficial. The year membership is completely paid for both of us, so finances can never get in the way of me being at the gym, like it did earlier this year.

2. I joined Weight Watchers today!! It was the first time I had weighed in about 2 months and I was not so shocked to see that I had gained 11 pounds in the last 2 months. I have felt myself gaining. I have felt my energy level dropping more and more. But you know what? It's okay. Because now I'm DOING something about it. I'm not just talking about it. I'm DOING something about it.

Today is a new day. It is a wonderful day. I'm excited for the future.

The short term goal is to lose 50 pounds by December 1st.

I KNOW I can do this.

I've also committed to three 5K races in the next several months. I'll write about that later this week and list them.

I'm truly so excited!!!!

Moving

Just a quick update---I am right in the middle of my move.

Next week I'll start blogging again regularly and really take it up a notch.

Time to make some real progress on my health and fitness journey!

Six month check-in

Well, folks, here it is---the month of June.

My blog is entitled "From Fat to Fit in 2009". However, since my progress has not been what I had hoped, maybe it should have been titled, "From Fat to Slightly More Fit in 2009". Or "From Fat to Less Fat in 2009". Or even "From Fat to Fit---My five year plan".

The good thing is---I haven't given up!! I've definitely had some major, very unexpected curveballs thrown at me so far this year, since I started this blog in January. But I've never given up. And that's what counts.

I'm starting to feel fired up again now. I feel like the worst is about over. I am determined to make significant progress in my health and fitness journey in 2009.

I'm moving to the Dallas area in the next 2 weeks and my life hopefully will fall back into a routine again soon. I'm so excited I'll be moving to an area with many more fitness options. It's also going to be a much more positive environment for me overall, which will help me in my fitness journey, as well.

So here is what I'm going to do in the next couple of weeks:

1. Sign back up for Weight Watchers to help me with the food part---I was very successful on WW last year, but quit after losing 30 pounds in 3 months. Why did I quit??? Who knows. Self-sabotage, again, I guess. So I'm signing back up. I'm committed to going to all the meetings and weighing in every single week. That helped me so much before--just weighing in every week. I just need to keep going no matter what. So I commit to signing up in my new city by June 15th.

2. Sign up for a 5K race and begin walking at least 20 minutes 4 times a week. I'm picking the race today and I've already had some wonderful, very supportive people offer to help me stay accountable on this. That will help me soooo much. Accountability is key for me. I've got to unleash that athlete inside of me!! She's begging to come out. I feel it everyday. Also become a member of the Dallas Running Club. I'll start walking and sign up for the race and club this week.

3. Join 24-Hour Fitness and start going 4 times a week---outside of my outdoors walking. I actually really enjoy going to the gym, once I get in the groove of going. I love to swim. I love to lift weights. I love to do the classes---dance/cardio and yoga especially. I just need to get going. I'll sign up for 24 Hour Fitness sometime next week---my first week in the Dallas area.

I also want to incorporate hiking into my life regularly. I love hiking. I love the outdoors. But maybe I should do the top 3 first and not try to do everything at once. I know there are a couple of hiking type clubs in Dallas, too, I can check out at some point.

I'll also start posting my weight loss every week here---meetings will be on Mondays. That will help with accountability, too! And I'll post my exercise times.

Enough talking already. Time for action.

I have already paid to go on a cruise December 12th of this year. My goal is to lose at least 50 pounds by then. Very do-able.

I just need to get to work.

Rewards

I reward myself with food. Not with good food----with bad food.

So say, I'm proud of myself for a job well done. What do I think I deserve? Well, a hot fudge sundae full of fat and chemicals for my body, of course!!

That stuff is like POISON for me!! How can I consider that a REWARD?

But I do.

I'm becoming more and more aware of it. And it is just so ridiculous. I remember last year when I would weigh in at my Weight Watchers meetings. If I lost a few pounds----guess what I did? Yes, I rewarded myself with bad food. After all, I didn't have to weigh in for another week, right?

Crazy!!! I somehow HAVE to shift my thinking.

First of all, food should not be used as a reward. Secondly, I really wish I could see CRAP food just as that--CRAP food. I don't though. I look at something like a piece of chocolate cake as something glowing with a halo on top and angels singing all around it.

It's actually POISION for me. It's terrible for my body in so many ways. But it will just take time for me to reverse that thinking.

In the meantime, I have to find a new reward system. When I want to reach for food as a reward, I have to be able to do something HEALTHY that feels like a reward instead.

And, no, jogging doesn't feel like a reward.

So what can I use for a reward? What is something that is easily accessible to me and feels like a reward? It has to be something inexpensive or free. Something I really enjoy. And it has to be something that has immediate positive effects.

Hmmmm....nothing perfect is coming to mind. I'll just brainstorm here.

• Go to the movies (sans popcorn)
• Call a supportive friend who can pretend to lavish hefty praise on me :-)
• Go to the lake and read
• Go to the park and meditate (notice I didn't say walk)
• A bubble bath???? I haven't had one of those in years---just going by what I see in the movies. Looks like a reward for them!
• Paint--I don't always feel like doing this, though
• Listen to music
• Dance while listening to music! Maybe make a special CD of my favorite songs that I love to dance to and only use it when I want to reach for food! (Oh, that actually feels like a great one!!)
  

Everything else I can think of wouldn't have immediate gratification---it would take planning of some sort, like going out with friends or going to the theater. I need things I can do right away and get the positive feelings immediately---just like I get from food.

I'll keep thinking.

But I'm becoming more aware. And that is progress.

I think I need a reward for that...

Feelings

I'm in the middle of re-reading one of my favorite books---"The 4:8 Principle" by Tommy Newberry, which is all about the transforming power of the scripture Philippians 4:8.

On page 51 is a reminder of a key concept I need to remember as I work to progress in my weight loss journey.

It says----

"Because your self-image is wired to your short-term emotional appetite, you will hardly ever feel like acting in a manner inconsistent with this self-image set point. However, there is a solution: You can override past negative programming by deliberately choosing new behaviors that line up with your God-given potential, whether you feel like it or not."

I cannot tell you how many times I have NOT exercised because I didn't FEEL like it. I didn't eat something healthy because I didn't FEEL like it. I didn't go walking because I didn't FEEL like it.

If you are doing something drastically different and changing habits, you are rarely going to FEEL like doing it. It's different. It isn't what you are used to doing. So you won't FEEL like doing it, because it's different. It goes against the habits you've created for yourself.

I HAVE to remember that in order to make this change in my life. I use this as an excuse all the time. "I just don't FEEL like it right now. I'll do it later." (Or tomorrow)

"Feelings" in this way need to be ignored. In fact, if I don't "feel" like it, then it's probably that much more important that I make sure I DO the better behavior because I will be that much closer to creating the healthy habits I want in my life.

I remember a time many years ago when I didn't FEEL like eating junk food, because it wasn't a habit. I didn't FEEL like eating sweets---it wasn't a habit. I didn't FEEL like sitting on the couch and watching television for hours---it wasn't a habit.

I just need to switch things around again. Make the right choices based on MY VALUES and MY GOALS.

NOT on my "feelings".

Taking the Activia challenge

I haven't posted in a while because, honestly, I'm just sick of talking about this!! It's just time for me to focus on action instead of words.

But I've done a great job staying away from fast food, for the most part. And, when I was traveling last week, I had the same fast food meal each time I had fast food because it was completely satisfying, something different than what I can have at home and I knew the calorie content!

Here it is:

Chick-fil-A original chicken sandwich: 430 calories, 17 grams of fat, 3 grams of fiber, 31 grams protein
Medium fruit cup: 60 calories, 0 grams of fat, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of protein
Medium Diet Coke

I know it's not the best meal ever, but it's very satisfying and it keeps me full for several hours. And it is an improvement over what I would usually get fast food wise. And I'm focusing on IMPROVEMENTS----not perfection.

On another note, I started the "Activia" challenge today! I won't go into details (you should thank me for that!), but we'll just say I've started having major and regular stomach issues all of a sudden the past couple of years.I've talked to some of my friends, who are around the same age, and they are all experiencing the same thing.

The new "Activia" yogurt is supposed to help "naturally regulate your digestive system". The label says I will see results in 2 weeks if I eat one everyday. So I'm doing it! Today is Day #1.

And if it works, I'll be able to easily notice the results. Again, I won't go into details.

You're welcome.

Fast food fight

I'm on Day 8 of my McDonald's McSkillet Burrito ban and I am quite proud of myself! Honestly, the thought of having one isn't even really appealing anymore. Well, maybe a little appealing. But not bad. It's easy to resist.

I feel like the worst is over. I also think I should make the McSkillet Burrito ban a permanent one. I think it would be too easy to pick that habit up again. So I need to lay it down forever.

What do I want to give up next in my health and fitness quest?

Hmmm...it still needs to be fairly simple and easy. I'm trying to get some momentum going so I can deal with the big things later.

Fast food keeps coming to mind. Giving up ALL fast food for 30 days is too big for right now. But I think giving it up during the week is reasonable and something I could do. I already have a head start by staying out of the McDonald's drive-thru lane to avoid the evil McSkillet burritos.

Giving up fast food during the week would be huge for me. If you look back at earlier blog entries, I kept track of the days I did NOT eat fast food in February. There were only TWO days out of the WHOLE MONTH that I did NOT have fast food. Think that has something to do with why I'm fat???? Oh yeah. It's a main factor.

My only concern is when I'm travelling. Could I really commit to packing my own meals if I travel during the week? Hmmm...probably not at this point. I want my goals to be realistic---one day at a time. One step at a time. I don't want to set myself up for failure.

Okay, here is my new pledge.

Beginning today, for 30 days, I will NOT eat fast food during the week (Monday thru Friday)---unless I'm travelling. And when I DO eat fast food while travelling or on the weekends, I'll report WHAT fast food I eat here and it's full calorie content.

I'll be travelling on Thursday thru Sunday of this week. When I eat fast food---which will probably be Thursday and Sunday mainly---I'll report here what I eat.

Talk about some accountability!! That will definitely make me think twice about what I order!

Chicken wings

After my big blog entry yesterday about shifting my focus to the FOOD I eat, I went out last night and had a bunch of chicken wings. Fried, greasy, honey barbecued CHICKEN WINGS.

I don't even really LIKE chicken wings???!!!

I had always said I never wanted to live a life where I NEVER ate anything unhealthy. I just wanted to eat unhealthy things rarely. And when I did eat them---I wanted it to be something I really loved. Make it a real treat.

But is that the right way to go? Maybe unhealthy foods should just be off limits for me until I can get a grip on this and TRULY create new eating habits for myself.

When I looked at the menu last night, I saw the strawberry/spinach salad option. But it just wasn't something I would normally order, so I never really considered it as an option.

Maybe I need to establish myself as a "healthy eater" all the time FIRST, before I allow myself the occasional splurge. ONLY look at the healthy options until I can get a grip on that.

The chicken wings were not a splurge. That was me acting as my old self. Looking at a menu and moving right past the healthy options because I had the negative tape running in my head, "I don't order healthy options at a restaurant. "

Eating unhealthy foods just makes you crave more unhealthy foods. The exact opposite is also true.

Maybe I should make unhealthy foods off limits for a while?

Maybe I'm just thinking too much.

Shift in focus

I know I can't do everything at once. In the past, when I've started (yet another) big push to get healthy and fit, I would try to do it all---eat perfectly, exercise a lot, drink tons of water, no bad foods at all, etc. All at one time. I thought I could go from 0 to 100 overnight.

That would last MAYBE a 1-2 weeks. Usually not even that long.

I'd get frustrated with myself. "WHY CAN'T I JUST DO THIS???? WHY IS THIS SO HARD??"And go back to my old ways.

I'm sort of a perfectionist, which has really hurt me in my quest for health and fitness. I'm working on that.

So at the beginning of the year, I was going to the gym regularly (read early blog entries). I was doing GREAT! Therefore, I thought----okay, I'll JUST focus on exercise right now. I'm NOT going to worry about the food yet. I'll just get the regular exercise going.

One step at a time. Just move forward. Just make progress.

That was going great until I was laid off from my job in February and had to give up my gym membership. I'm also much more inactive now that I'm not working everyday. So any exercise I do now (walking, yoga, hiking, etc.) barely makes up for the loss of activity in my worklife. I'm still at a deficit activity-wise.

Therefore, I'm changing my focus to FOOD.

My trainer told me losing weight was 80 percent FOOD and 20 percent exercise. So if I'm going to focus on one of the two, why wouldn't it be food????

I had an epiphany about this while having lunch with a friend last week.

I remembered a time a few years ago when I was living in New York City. I was CRAZY NUTS about fitness back then. I had a personal trainer---there was a Crunch gym in my building. I was there every morning---5 a.m. I walked everywhere in the city. I was SUPER FIT, very strong and very healthy. Over about a year's time, I had lost about 80 pounds----weight I had gained during my pregnancy----then some more after the pregnancy. I also lost this weight by eating very healthy---but still splurged on unhealthy foods at least 3-4 times a week. Okay, probably more like I splurged on one unhealthy meal a day---I LOVED NYC diners!!! But the rest of the time I ate very healthy.

In 2000, I still had about 30 pounds I wanted to lose to get to my "goal weight".

At this time, I was going in for a major hip surgery---total hip replacement. I would be unable to walk for at LEAST 6 months. No more working out. No more walking everywhere. I was SCARED TO DEATH I would gain back all that weight that I had worked so hard to lose.

However, my NYC roommate/main caregiver/very close friend at the time totally saved me. He was a vegetarian and an EXTREME HEALTH NUT. Since I was bed-ridden for 2 months after the surgery, he was the one who brought me all my food---food which, of course, matched his extreme health nut ways. The only time I went out of the apartment was in a wheelchair with him pushing me---again, we would ONLY go to restaurants that had extreme-health-nut food.

No more splurging at all on unhealthy foods.

During that first 2 months, not only did I NOT gain any weight back---despite my inactivity---I actually LOST another 20 pounds!! Solely due to what I ate---even when I went from burning a TON of calories a day because of all my exercise to burning very little.

It's about the FOOD. Exercise makes you fit and toned and it is definitely wonderful and HELPS a LOT! Exercise is a MAJOR part of being healthy. But weight loss centers mainly around the FOOD.

So that's where I'm shifting my focus for now. It's about the food.

One step at a time.

Sign from the universe

Okay, okay. I get it. Stay out of McDonald's!!!

This morning I decided I needed to get some coffee.

Since I've been out of work, I have developed some lazy habits. I still get up early every morning to take my son to school, however, when I come home, if I don't have something very specific and scheduled to do right away, some days I will lay back down and sleep until 11 or noon!!

Not productive.

So I've been trying to keep myself up and awake when I get home.

This morning, after I dropped my son off at school, I was feeling like I wanted to crawl back into bed. Very sleepy. So I thought I needed some coffee----that would keep me up, especially since I don't normally drink coffee.

Where is my favorite place to get caffeine in a cup? McDonald's. I knew it was risky for me to go there---with my McSkillet Burrito addiction/ban and all---but I thought I could handle it and ONLY get coffee in the drive-thru.

I pull into the McDonald's parking lot---go a few feet---and BAM!!! I get hit by an old man driving an SUV!!! He backed right into me as I was LAYING on my horn trying to get him to stop!!

Front bumper bent. Front right headlight busted.

I get it. I hear it loud and clear.

Stay out of the McDonald's parking lot!!!!

Day 3

It's Day 3 of my 30-day challenge and I have stayed away from McSkillet burritos! Actually, the last time I had one was April 29, so I COULD cheat and say this is already Day 7, but I'll start with Monday since that's the day I made the pledge.

I'm doing really great on eating, actually----I think a large part of that is my commitment to stay away from McSkillet burritos. "McSkillet burritos" represents all bad fast food in my mind, so I've actually stayed away from all of it so far!

I'm eating many more fruits and vegetables and I'm having at least one salad per day----I use very little dressing on my salads and even then I use Light Ranch. And I also use fresh spinach as the "leaves" of the salad to make it even more healthy.

I'm also drinking a lot more water!

I have renewed my love for PINEAPPLE, too!!! Pineapple is completely satisfying my craving for something sweet! Typing this is making me want some pineapple. (How does the plural of pineapple work? I'll have to google that.)

So far, so good!! I feel like I'm really getting back on track and---this may seem silly---but my stomach felt flatter this morning! lol I'm sure only in my imagination, but I'll take it!!

30-day challenge

I read Jenny McCarthy's blog on Oprah.com where she is doing a 30-day Challenge to give up SUGAR for 30 days.

She is encouraging viewers to also give up something for 30 days. So I thought about it. And there are many, many things I could give up for 30 days and be a better person for it.

Some of the ideas I had were:

• Sugar (that would be torture)
• White starching items (unhealthy carbs)
• Chocolate
• Red meat
• Television
• Diet pepsi/diet coke
• Artificial sweeteners---Equal and Sweet and Low
• Fast food
• All meat---go vegetarian for 30 days
• Dairy---or more specifically CHEESE
• Alcohol
• Eating after 7 p.m.

All of things would be very worthwhile for me to give up. And it would be awesome if I could commit to giving up one of these every 30 days, or so.

But I want to start small. So I decided to give up ONE thing for 30 days that has really impacted my health in a negative way.

THE MCDONALD'S MCSKILLET BURRITO

I LOVE these things. After I drop off my son from school, the first thing I think about is driving thru McDonald's on the way home to get a McSkillet Burrito. And it goes PERFECT with a McDonald's Medium Vanilla Iced Coffee. Those 2 things together---$4.74. I seriously get this for breakfast 3-4 times per week, which is TERRIBLE!!!

Here is the nutrition breakdown, from the McDonald's website:

McSkillet burrito: 610 calories, 36 grams of fat, 14 grams saturated fat, 1,390 grams of sodium, 44 grams carbohydrates, 27 grams protein

Medium vanilla iced coffee: 190 calories, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams saturated fat, 29 grams carbs, 28 grams of sugar

Total for the regular breakfast: 800 calories, 44 grams of fat, 73 grams of carbs

Yes, that is a little much before 8 a.m.

So my pledge to you today----GIVE UP McSKILLET BURRITOS for 30 DAYS!!! I can do it!!

I wanted one this morning BAD. But stayed away from the drive-thru!!!

Motivations

I'm getting back on track in my health and fitness journey!! Wooo-hoooooo!!!! (Finally!!)

It's only been a few days, but I feel my drive and passion coming back.

I feel a big shift in my thinking, too, this year. It's not about the numbers on the scale. It's about BEING HEALTHY. I don't care what the numbers say on the scale. I care about BEING HEALTHY.

I used to feel really embarrassed and humiliated about my weight. I was so ashamed at how I had let myself go. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I was embarrassed to meet new people---thinking they would just see my weight and not get to know ME.

I wanted those feelings to go away. I wanted to get rid of the embarrassment, shame and humiliation. THAT was my main motivation for losing weight.

It wasn't REALLY about my health. And it certainly wasn't because I loved myself enough to take care of myself. Well, that motivation didn't get me very far.

But I can honestly say my motivation has changed. The feelings of embarrassment, humiliation and shame have really, really, really diminished. I won't say they are gone completely, because I think that would be false. But on a scale of 1-100---they were at about a "99" two years ago, and now they are about a "15" or so--maybe even less than that.

I really don't think about my weight that often when I'm around others. I know if they are the kind of people I want in my life, they will love me anyway. If they don't like me because of my weight, they aren't the kind of people I want in my life. Simple as that. Nothing lost there.

It also helps that I am finally able to love MYSELF---despite letting myself get to this size. I hadn't been able to do that before. I was too disgusted with myself. I was the harshest judge of all. But that has changed. I do love and accept myself for where I am RIGHT NOW. (Thank you Discovery!---www.discovery-training.com )

But what I've been feeling soooo much lately is the lack of energy because of my weight. Now that I'm not letting my weight keep me isolated and away from things I want to do, I'm out there again. I'm involved. I'm living life. I'm active. I'm doing things I love.

But I don't have the energy to go full force. I can kind of be there, but I don't have the energy to participate like I want to. I participate a little---then need to sit down and rest. Then participate a little more---then sit down and rest.

THAT'S NO WAY TO LIVE!!!!!!

It is driving me NUTS!!! I want to be out there FULL FORCE doing the things I LOVE!! I want to DANCE for HOURS-----not just ONE freaking song, then have to sit down for a break!! I want to HIKE for HOURS!! Not just go for a little ways, then need to find a tree to sit down and catch my breath. I want to RUN!!! Not just walk for 1/4 of a mile and need to sit down for a break to catch my breath. I want to SWIM for hours!!! Not just 1 lap and need to stop and float for a while because I have to catch my breath!!

So I've finally got myself out there DOING things I love, but it is DRIVING ME CRAZY that I don't have the energy I need to FULLY be out there and LIVE LIFE!!

It affects me in so many ways.

So ENERGY. That is my main motivation right now.

LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

That's what I want. And I have to be healthy in order to do it.

Still around

I haven't posted a blog entry in over a month.

You would think being unemployed would give you more time to do all sorts of things you didn't have the time to do before. And, in theory, it does. But it just doesn't always actually work out that way.

It's so easy to get in a rut. It's so easy to isolate yourself.

I knew I liked to be around people, but I'm realizing I have a real NEED to be around people!!! Lots of them. Every single day. For around, say, 8 hours a day.

So I kind of went into a mini-hibernation there for a while. But I can feel myself coming out of it. Honestly, the fitness journey has taken a backseat. I have been more worried about ruts, my emotional health and slipping into a major depression.

I was on the brink. I was in serious danger of really falling down hard for a while there, but I think I'm okay. I think (I hope) the worst is over. I'm getting back up again. And that's what counts.

"It's not how many times you fall. It's how many times you get up."

More posts to come!

Actually, I have made some progress in my health and fitness journey just in the last week! I'll share soon.

February recap

We are starting a new month, so this is the perfect time to look back at February and see how I did according to my Happy Face Rewards system.

Recap of my Happy Face Rewards system: I reward myself a happy face sticker on a calendar in my bedroom every time I accomplished a health-related goal for that day.

Here is the key I'm using:

• Red happy face sticker---Took a multivitamin


• Blue happy face sticker---Drank 64 ounces of water


• Yellow happy face sticker--Work out at the gym


• Pink happy face sticker--Did yoga


• Green happy face sticker--5 servings of fruits and vegetables


• Purple happy face sticker--No fast food or restaurant food

I am taking this health journey slow and steady. I want it to LAST. I want this to be a LIFESTYLE change. I am not looking for quick fixes. I'm trying to change my life. And that won't happen overnight.

So even just ONE sticker in the month of February in any of these categories would be an improvement. That would be progress.

But my goal is to get these down---where I have at least 25 per month---then add new categories that are more challenging. In March, I'm keeping the same categories, because as you will see I still have a ways to go to make these 6 things a regular part of my life!

Out of 28 days in February (3 of which I was out of town and did not use stickers at all)---so we're really looking at 25 eligible days.

• I earned the RED happy face sticker (taking a multivitamin) the most with all 25 days!! So 100 percent of the eligible days in February, I took a multivitamin!! That is HUGE progress in my health and fitness journey. In January---I didn't take a multivitamin even one day. So wooo-hooooo for me!!!



• I earned the YELLOW happy face sticker (workout at the gym) the second most with 15 days out of 25 days, which is 60 percent of all eligible days in February. I really slacked off in this category last week, otherwise I was on track for a much higher percentage. But 15 days is AWESOME!!! I'm very proud of myself for that and another HUGE amount of progress in my health and fitness journey. In January, I probably went about 5 days.
  
  
• I earned the PINK happy face sticker (yoga) 6 times---I do yoga on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so really there was 8 opportunities for this. I want to increase that at some point, but for now I'm going for twice a week. Six times of doing yoga in February is awesome. Again--it's all about progress and improvement over last month, which that is.

Now I have a LOT of room for improvement in the next 3 categories!

• I earned the GREEN sticker (5 servings of fruits and vegetables) 7 times out of 25 days, which is 28 percent of the time. Not great, but I guarantee in January I would have earned this sticker zero times. So this is a HUGE improvement and definitely progress. So I'm very proud of myself.


• I earned the BLUE sticker (at least 64 ounces of water) 5 times out of 25 days, which is 20 percent. Again, lots of room for improvement but I would have earned this sticker zero times in January. So progress. Moving in the right direction.


• And finally, this is the one I'm most concerned about. I earned the PURPLE sticker (no fast food or bad restaurant food) only TWO times in all of February!! OMG!! Can we all identify the main problem in my getting healthy and fit journey right now? Yeah. I love convenience. I love cheap food. It's just plain lazy. And restaurant food is sooo good. It's so hard to order something healthy!!

Of course, these are all terrible excuses. It's about making the right choices. When I order a McSkillet burrito in the McDonald's drive-thru, I'm choosing to stay fat. That is my choice at that moment. When I have a chicken quesadilla for lunch, I'm again choosing to stay fat. I'm not choosing health and fitness.

I have the choice to get healthy and fit many times throughout the day and or make the choice to stay fat. I have to make better choices.

So in March, my goal is to improve in EVERY category. It's all about progress. Taking one step at a time. I'm very proud of myself!!

Back from casting

I went to the Biggest Loser casting on Saturday and had a very interesting experience! I'm so happy I went!

I did not get a callback. Honestly, once I got there and got to know some of the people, I knew I wasn't getting a callback. There were people there with AMAZING, heartbreaking stories. I kept thinking, "Wow! I don't have a chance against these people! I'm just fat!!"

But it was very beneficial for me to be there. I saw all these very overweight people pouring out their hearts about how their weight affects their lives and how miserable they are. They all said they were ready to work hard and make the change now.

But in the next breath, they talked about how they've tried out for every season for the last several years. So were they really "ready" to make the change every year?

I don't know. There's just something really unsettling to me about that. I do NOT want to be one of those people who try out year after year and say I'm "ready" for a change because my life is so miserable, but wait around on a reality show to make that change for me.

We do have control over what we put in our mouths and how often we move our bodies. I know it's hard and it's not convenient. But most of us do have control and we CAN do it on our own. We don't NEED the Biggest Loser for us to lose this weight and improve our lives.

So if I'm really READY to make this change, then I won't be eligible to try out next year because I will have made the change myself. Now it won't happen as fast as being on a reality show where I can work out 8 hours a day and not be tempted by McDonalds and Taco Bell.

But I CAN do it. It IS under my control.

I'm fat because I eat bad foods. I'm fat because I eat more food than my body needs. I'm fat because I don't exercise as much as I can. I'm fat because I watch too much television.

It has nothing to do with whether I've been cast on a reality television show.

I can do this.

The Biggest Loser

I have very exciting news!!

On Saturday, I will be auditioning for NBC's "The Biggest Loser" in Dallas!

I know the chances are very slim (pardon the pun) that I will be cast on the show, but I think it will be a really fun and interesting experience just to audition.

And who knows what could happen? Being on the show would be a DREAM COME TRUE!!! I'm as good as anyone else they could choose!

So wish me luck! Pray for me! Whatever might help me! :-)

I'll let you know how it goes. I'm totally excited!

Either way, I am committed to this health and fitness journey whether I'm on a reality show or not. I think auditioning for The Biggest Loser is a statement to myself that I'm READY for change in my life now.

I gotta make it happen and I have to explore every opportunity that could help me make this big life change!

Shin splints suck

I decided to step up my workouts at the gym this week and start running on the treadmill. I thought this would have at least 3 benefits:

1. Higher intensity=less time on the treadmill
2. If I'm working harder, then I'm less likely to focus on how BORING being on the treadmill is
3. I've always wanted to be a runner. I think there is a runner inside of me begging to get out. I think about running. I dream about running. I remember loving to run when I was younger. I feel this real urge to run. So I can start my journey towards becoming a runner!

I also realized for the first time that you don't have to be at a high speed on the treadmill in order to run. I can actually run at the same speed I walk by doing a light jog.

I thought that was a great place to start.

So Monday, I started to run on the treadmill. I would jog for about 2 minutes, then walk for about 2 minutes. Then jog for 2 minutes, walk for 2-3 minutes. It was hard, but it felt great. My heart was pumping!

Tuesday morning I did yoga. Right after I did yoga, I started to feel pain in my shins. But not too bad. I felt a soreness all over my body, so I didn't think much about it.

When I went to the gym on Tuesday evening, I did the same jogging/walking thing on the treadmill. Again, I was sore. But I thought that was just part of it.

Wednesday morning I woke up and I could barely walk. The pain in my shins was pretty brutal. Thursday (yesterday) the pain was even worse. I was limping around everywhere. I still did yoga Thursday morning, but it was lighter yoga. When I went to the gym Thursday afternoon, I just did upper body stuff. No cardio or anything with my legs. I just limped and groaned from one machine to the next.

Today my shins are KILLING ME!!!! OMG!!! I cannot believe how painful this is!!!

Should I keep trying to run? Is this going to happen everytime I try to run?

I guess I need to do some research.

Earning happy faces

My "Happy Face Rewards" system is working!

On Thursdays, my son works out with a trainer. Therefore, Thursday is the only day of the week that Blake can go to the gym without a parent there with him. So it makes it very easy for me to skip out on the gym that day.

So yesterday was Thursday. I was leaning towards just dropping him off, but I wore workout clothes just in case I got the urge to go in. I pulled in the parking lot and knew I had to make the decision right then and there. Do I go in the gym willingly? Or do I let him out and come pick him up in 45 minutes?

Then I thought of my Happy Face stickers. And the decision was clear. I was going in.

I wanted that yellow Happy Face Sticker!!!! :-)

Thanks!

Thanks for the much needed encouragement everyone!

I haven't posted in a while and I still feel like I'm right on the edge of going into another deep depression.

As much as I try to fight them, my fears keep coming up. I keep thinking about how far I fell when I left New York City and I went into a very deep depression. The depression lasted for several years and I gained over 100 pounds. I just checked out of life for 3-4 years.

That cannot happen to me again. I cannot let it. But I'm feeling the same way I felt then.

I am very cognizant that I am in danger. I just have to keep fighting.

As far as my health journey goes, I've been eating healthy about 1/2 the time and eating total crap the other 1/2. I've been going to the gym every day----mostly because of my son----but I'm going. I'm still doing yoga with Tracee. I've still been doing my Happy Face stickers on my calendar everyday. (I LOVE that system!!)

And thank God for Discovery (www.discovery-training.com). Last weekend was Discovery weekend and I got a MUCH needed boost.

As long as I continue to stay connected as much as possible, I'll come out of this just fine. Isolation is my biggest enemy right now.

Back from the gym

My 16-year-old son helped pull me up today and got me to the gym.

I did not want to go at all. My son had spent over 5 hours at the park today playing basketball. So I thought that was going to be my excuse to not go to the gym. I thought he would be too physically exhausted to care about going today.

But right when he got home he said, "Okay, when are we going to the gym?"

I started with the excuses and he saw right through me.

"Do you really think you need to go after playing basketball for 5 hours?" I asked.

But before I could even finish the sentence, he said with a smile, "No, no. We're going to the gym. I'm not giving up on you, Mom!!"

And with that, I knew there was nothing else I could say.

"Okay. We'll leave in 15 minutes," I said.

We just got back. I'm glad I went.

Falling

So I am really falling.

The last couple of days, I haven't worked out at all and my eating has been terrible.

I feel like I'm at a real crossroads here. I am in serious danger of falling into a deep depression following the lay off from my job. I am in danger of not only ending my journey towards health and fitness, but I'm in danger of GAINING more weight and becoming worse.

I HAVE to get back up and make sure this only lasts a few days. The longer I let it go, the harder it will be to get back up. It's already harder. Each day it becomes harder.

This is when I need to reach out and ask for help.

Doing okay

Despite my job layoff on Monday, I'm still hanging in there with the health and fitness stuff. I'm not doing as well as I would like, but I'm giving myself some slack this week. I've been pretty emotional---just going up and down.

But I HAVE gone to the gym every day this week. I'm on FOUR days in a row. I also did yoga on my regularly scheduled Tuesday and have it scheduled again for Thursday.

I'm slacking off a bit on the food----I've had one meal each day that I wouldn't even WANT to know the calorie count. But the other times I'm still eating healthy.

No, it's not perfect. But for right now, it's okay. I'm giving myself some slack this week.

I am keeping up with my "Happy Face Reward" system, as you can see by the photo!

I have lots of yellow and red smiley faces----for going to the gym and taking my multivitamin. I have one pink one for yoga on Tuesday and one blue happy face for drinking 64 ounces of water (that was today!).

I haven't earned one yet for no fast food (purple---I'm including unhealthy restaurant food in that, as well, which is what has got me). And I haven't earned one yet for 5 servings of fruits and vegetables (green). I'm determined to earn both of those at least 1-2 times this week!! I've got 3 days left!

Tested

I just THOUGHT I was tested the other day when I wanted to use food to numb my negative emotions. But this will be the REAL test.

I was laid off from my job today. I didn't see it coming. I thought it was maybe a possibility further down the road---a few months maybe if things didn't change, but I never thought it would happen this soon.

You know what I want to do? Stuff my face. And not with carrot sticks and broccoli. I want ice cream, brownies, cookies, mexican food---the greasier and higher calorie, the better.

Would that make me feel better? As a matter of fact, I think it would. And it's a good thing I didn't have any of that in my house, because I would have already demolished it.

So I'm very cognizant of the fact I want food to make me feel better, which is NOT its intended purpose. Nor is it healthy for me to use food in that way.

I'll try to refrain the best I can, as I go through this difficult time.

P.S. Anyone know of a job opening?

Happy faces

In an effort to motivate myself to stick to my plan as often as possible, next week I'm beginning my new "Happy Face Rewards" system.

Getting stars and happy stickers works to reward kids for good behavior and Weight Watchers uses "star" stickers to reward their members. I know when I was in Weight Watchers, I LOVED getting those stars and felt really empowered when I looked at how many I had received.

So beginning Monday, I'm rewarding myself with happy face stickers. For each day, I can earn up to 6 happy face stickers---each a different color. Here is the "Happy Face Sticker Code"---what I have to do that day to earn that particular happy face sticker.

• Yellow---Work out at the gym--cardio and weights
• Blue---Drink at least 64 ounces of water
• Purple---NO fast food for the day
• Pink---Do yoga
• Red---Take a multivitamin
• Green---Eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables

I'm using a wall calendar that can fit all 6 stickers on one day's square.

A few months ago, I used a similar method. I drew a big heart around the days on my calendar that I went to the gym. Then I LOVED looking at the month overall and seeing how many hearts I had all over the page! The heart meant---I showed love to myself that day by making time for myself and working out. It was definitely a motivator.

So I'm hoping this will help motivate and reward myself, too!

New workout shoes

I got new workout shoes this week!

They are glittery and sparkly and a kind of futuristic looking with the shiny metallic silver all over them.

The workout shoes I had been wearing were over 7 years old. They were actually in pretty good shape considering how old they were. Of course, that's mainly due to limited use over the past 6 years!

I'm hoping my cool new workout shoes will make me more excited to go to the gym!

Getting back up

Okay, so it wasn't the healthiest day for me.

I am extremely sore from yoga yesterday----in a good way. It actually motivates me to do more when I'm sore because I know it's working! Therefore, I thought I needed to skip the gym today.

Seriously----my hamstrings are KILLING me. I can barely walk and I have had trouble picking things off the floor all day. My biceps hurt. My triceps hurt. My back hurts---upper and lower. And not just a little sore---I've been annoying everyone with my moans and groans all day.

One of the things that hurts the worst are the sides of my torso, which I didn't even know could be this sore!

AWESOME!!!!!!

So I didn't go to the gym today and that doesn't feel good. I think I should have gone anyway---even if I didn't do much---just so I wouldn't get out of the habit. My day doesn't feel complete now that I didn't go.

Then----foodwise, today I had some issues. I am feeling bad. It really feels like I'm coming down with something. I've been coughing, weak, throat is getting sore, I'm sneezing and just feeling very low energy overall. When I feel bad, I want comfort food. I look to food to make me feel better. I also had a TERRIBLE day at work and wanted comfort from that.

Here is my confession: for breakfast, I had a McSkillet burrito from McDonalds and a vanilla iced coffee. For lunch, I had a chicken sandwich from Burger King and a chocolate chip cookie. Okay, two chocolate chip cookies.

Then I was back on track for dinner.

But that fast food totally comforted me from my sickness and my bad day. It tasted good and even more importantly it made me FEEL GOOD. It totally made me feel better. I have probably used food all my life to comfort myself for all kinds of negative emotions and feelings.

I fell today, but I got back up. I'm still going.

I just have to be aware of what I'm putting in my body and why and not give in to temptations so easily.

Tomorrow is a new day!

Yoga

Thanks to my awesome friend Tracee, I have now started doing yoga twice a week, in addition to my six days of working out at the gym. We do yoga together in one of our living rooms---whichever home is more convenient for both of us on that particular day.

Tracee knew I hadn't done yoga in many years and when I did yoga before I was in much better shape. So she started me off slowly.

"Oh, this is so much easier than I remembered!" I thought. "This is just stretching and relaxing!" Even though I couldn't do all the poses yet, it was still less physically demanding overall than I thought it would be.

Well, Tracee---who is very experienced in yoga---was just bringing me in slowly. She didn't want to scare me away in the first couple of sessions. Today, I was reminded of what yoga REALLY feels like! Today, she cranked it up.

We did yoga at lunch and it was no longer the beginner yoga. My heart was racing. I was sweating. I was working hard. I've only been back in the office for about an hour and I can already feel the soreness setting in.

Whew! Now THAT was YOGA!!! Wooo-hoooooo!!!

It feels really, really awesome.

Thank you Tracee!!

Getting to the gym

I did not want to go to the gym tonight. At all. I was tired. There is an ice storm coming.

But there is one thing that is getting me to the gym---my 16-year-old son. He LOVES to work out and go to the gym. He's becoming a little obsessive about it, actually. At our new gym, anyone under the age of 17 has to have a parent with them at all times while they workout. This rule is becoming a real blessing for me.

Because of this rule, if I don't go to the gym, my son doesn't get to go to the gym. So everyday, the first thing he asks me is, "When are we going to the gym today?" Then he'll ask me everytime he sees me, "We're still going to the gym today, right?" And when it gets close to whatever time I told him I'd go, he'll find me and say, "Okay, let's go to the gym."

It is kind of annoying at times because I know there is no way I can ever NOT go to the gym, except for the ONE day off a week I negotiated with him. I would disappoint him too much to tell him we aren't going any of the other six days of the week. Plus, I don't want to do anything to discourage his own love for fitness. I don't want him to ever have the problems I've had.

So it does force me to go to the gym when I don't want to go. This is, of course, a good thing. And it's getting me to the gym.

I went 6 days in a row last week---Tuesday thru Sunday. Took Monday off. Then went back tonight. I did cardio for 45 minutes straight on the treadmill.

I have never done that much on the treadmill because I get sooooooooo bored. But I've discovered that bringing a book to read is like magic on the treadmill!! So I'm reading "The Shack" and walking on the treadmill to stay on there longer. I even got the whole exercise "high" feeling today. It felt really good.

Then I did weights. I'm doing great. Just gotta keep plugging away.

Week 1 results

I officially started this journey on Monday, January 19, 2009. During the next 7 days, I was far from perfect, but I ate healthy about 75 percent of the time. And that is a good start.

I also worked out 6 days in a row at the gym, which is awesome.

Yesterday, 7 days later, I weighed in again and was pretty shocked to see that I lost 7.6 pounds!! Woooo-hoooooo!!!

I just have to keep going. As long as I keep going, I will be successful.

New blog

I am restarting my journey towards health and fitness in 2009 and I need lots of love, support and encouragement from all my wonderful friends and family to succeed!

I have tried this several times before in the last 3 years, but I have failed miserably. I am now getting myself back up, dusting off and trying again.

"Failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."----Winston Churchill

I want 2009 to be the year I conquer this. I have done the work on the inside. Now it's time to focus on the outside.

From fat to fit in 2009. Welcome to my journey.