Feelings

I'm in the middle of re-reading one of my favorite books---"The 4:8 Principle" by Tommy Newberry, which is all about the transforming power of the scripture Philippians 4:8.

On page 51 is a reminder of a key concept I need to remember as I work to progress in my weight loss journey.

It says----

"Because your self-image is wired to your short-term emotional appetite, you will hardly ever feel like acting in a manner inconsistent with this self-image set point. However, there is a solution: You can override past negative programming by deliberately choosing new behaviors that line up with your God-given potential, whether you feel like it or not."

I cannot tell you how many times I have NOT exercised because I didn't FEEL like it. I didn't eat something healthy because I didn't FEEL like it. I didn't go walking because I didn't FEEL like it.

If you are doing something drastically different and changing habits, you are rarely going to FEEL like doing it. It's different. It isn't what you are used to doing. So you won't FEEL like doing it, because it's different. It goes against the habits you've created for yourself.

I HAVE to remember that in order to make this change in my life. I use this as an excuse all the time. "I just don't FEEL like it right now. I'll do it later." (Or tomorrow)

"Feelings" in this way need to be ignored. In fact, if I don't "feel" like it, then it's probably that much more important that I make sure I DO the better behavior because I will be that much closer to creating the healthy habits I want in my life.

I remember a time many years ago when I didn't FEEL like eating junk food, because it wasn't a habit. I didn't FEEL like eating sweets---it wasn't a habit. I didn't FEEL like sitting on the couch and watching television for hours---it wasn't a habit.

I just need to switch things around again. Make the right choices based on MY VALUES and MY GOALS.

NOT on my "feelings".

Taking the Activia challenge

I haven't posted in a while because, honestly, I'm just sick of talking about this!! It's just time for me to focus on action instead of words.

But I've done a great job staying away from fast food, for the most part. And, when I was traveling last week, I had the same fast food meal each time I had fast food because it was completely satisfying, something different than what I can have at home and I knew the calorie content!

Here it is:

Chick-fil-A original chicken sandwich: 430 calories, 17 grams of fat, 3 grams of fiber, 31 grams protein
Medium fruit cup: 60 calories, 0 grams of fat, 2 grams of fiber, 1 gram of protein
Medium Diet Coke

I know it's not the best meal ever, but it's very satisfying and it keeps me full for several hours. And it is an improvement over what I would usually get fast food wise. And I'm focusing on IMPROVEMENTS----not perfection.

On another note, I started the "Activia" challenge today! I won't go into details (you should thank me for that!), but we'll just say I've started having major and regular stomach issues all of a sudden the past couple of years.I've talked to some of my friends, who are around the same age, and they are all experiencing the same thing.

The new "Activia" yogurt is supposed to help "naturally regulate your digestive system". The label says I will see results in 2 weeks if I eat one everyday. So I'm doing it! Today is Day #1.

And if it works, I'll be able to easily notice the results. Again, I won't go into details.

You're welcome.

Fast food fight

I'm on Day 8 of my McDonald's McSkillet Burrito ban and I am quite proud of myself! Honestly, the thought of having one isn't even really appealing anymore. Well, maybe a little appealing. But not bad. It's easy to resist.

I feel like the worst is over. I also think I should make the McSkillet Burrito ban a permanent one. I think it would be too easy to pick that habit up again. So I need to lay it down forever.

What do I want to give up next in my health and fitness quest?

Hmmm...it still needs to be fairly simple and easy. I'm trying to get some momentum going so I can deal with the big things later.

Fast food keeps coming to mind. Giving up ALL fast food for 30 days is too big for right now. But I think giving it up during the week is reasonable and something I could do. I already have a head start by staying out of the McDonald's drive-thru lane to avoid the evil McSkillet burritos.

Giving up fast food during the week would be huge for me. If you look back at earlier blog entries, I kept track of the days I did NOT eat fast food in February. There were only TWO days out of the WHOLE MONTH that I did NOT have fast food. Think that has something to do with why I'm fat???? Oh yeah. It's a main factor.

My only concern is when I'm travelling. Could I really commit to packing my own meals if I travel during the week? Hmmm...probably not at this point. I want my goals to be realistic---one day at a time. One step at a time. I don't want to set myself up for failure.

Okay, here is my new pledge.

Beginning today, for 30 days, I will NOT eat fast food during the week (Monday thru Friday)---unless I'm travelling. And when I DO eat fast food while travelling or on the weekends, I'll report WHAT fast food I eat here and it's full calorie content.

I'll be travelling on Thursday thru Sunday of this week. When I eat fast food---which will probably be Thursday and Sunday mainly---I'll report here what I eat.

Talk about some accountability!! That will definitely make me think twice about what I order!

Chicken wings

After my big blog entry yesterday about shifting my focus to the FOOD I eat, I went out last night and had a bunch of chicken wings. Fried, greasy, honey barbecued CHICKEN WINGS.

I don't even really LIKE chicken wings???!!!

I had always said I never wanted to live a life where I NEVER ate anything unhealthy. I just wanted to eat unhealthy things rarely. And when I did eat them---I wanted it to be something I really loved. Make it a real treat.

But is that the right way to go? Maybe unhealthy foods should just be off limits for me until I can get a grip on this and TRULY create new eating habits for myself.

When I looked at the menu last night, I saw the strawberry/spinach salad option. But it just wasn't something I would normally order, so I never really considered it as an option.

Maybe I need to establish myself as a "healthy eater" all the time FIRST, before I allow myself the occasional splurge. ONLY look at the healthy options until I can get a grip on that.

The chicken wings were not a splurge. That was me acting as my old self. Looking at a menu and moving right past the healthy options because I had the negative tape running in my head, "I don't order healthy options at a restaurant. "

Eating unhealthy foods just makes you crave more unhealthy foods. The exact opposite is also true.

Maybe I should make unhealthy foods off limits for a while?

Maybe I'm just thinking too much.

Shift in focus

I know I can't do everything at once. In the past, when I've started (yet another) big push to get healthy and fit, I would try to do it all---eat perfectly, exercise a lot, drink tons of water, no bad foods at all, etc. All at one time. I thought I could go from 0 to 100 overnight.

That would last MAYBE a 1-2 weeks. Usually not even that long.

I'd get frustrated with myself. "WHY CAN'T I JUST DO THIS???? WHY IS THIS SO HARD??"And go back to my old ways.

I'm sort of a perfectionist, which has really hurt me in my quest for health and fitness. I'm working on that.

So at the beginning of the year, I was going to the gym regularly (read early blog entries). I was doing GREAT! Therefore, I thought----okay, I'll JUST focus on exercise right now. I'm NOT going to worry about the food yet. I'll just get the regular exercise going.

One step at a time. Just move forward. Just make progress.

That was going great until I was laid off from my job in February and had to give up my gym membership. I'm also much more inactive now that I'm not working everyday. So any exercise I do now (walking, yoga, hiking, etc.) barely makes up for the loss of activity in my worklife. I'm still at a deficit activity-wise.

Therefore, I'm changing my focus to FOOD.

My trainer told me losing weight was 80 percent FOOD and 20 percent exercise. So if I'm going to focus on one of the two, why wouldn't it be food????

I had an epiphany about this while having lunch with a friend last week.

I remembered a time a few years ago when I was living in New York City. I was CRAZY NUTS about fitness back then. I had a personal trainer---there was a Crunch gym in my building. I was there every morning---5 a.m. I walked everywhere in the city. I was SUPER FIT, very strong and very healthy. Over about a year's time, I had lost about 80 pounds----weight I had gained during my pregnancy----then some more after the pregnancy. I also lost this weight by eating very healthy---but still splurged on unhealthy foods at least 3-4 times a week. Okay, probably more like I splurged on one unhealthy meal a day---I LOVED NYC diners!!! But the rest of the time I ate very healthy.

In 2000, I still had about 30 pounds I wanted to lose to get to my "goal weight".

At this time, I was going in for a major hip surgery---total hip replacement. I would be unable to walk for at LEAST 6 months. No more working out. No more walking everywhere. I was SCARED TO DEATH I would gain back all that weight that I had worked so hard to lose.

However, my NYC roommate/main caregiver/very close friend at the time totally saved me. He was a vegetarian and an EXTREME HEALTH NUT. Since I was bed-ridden for 2 months after the surgery, he was the one who brought me all my food---food which, of course, matched his extreme health nut ways. The only time I went out of the apartment was in a wheelchair with him pushing me---again, we would ONLY go to restaurants that had extreme-health-nut food.

No more splurging at all on unhealthy foods.

During that first 2 months, not only did I NOT gain any weight back---despite my inactivity---I actually LOST another 20 pounds!! Solely due to what I ate---even when I went from burning a TON of calories a day because of all my exercise to burning very little.

It's about the FOOD. Exercise makes you fit and toned and it is definitely wonderful and HELPS a LOT! Exercise is a MAJOR part of being healthy. But weight loss centers mainly around the FOOD.

So that's where I'm shifting my focus for now. It's about the food.

One step at a time.

Sign from the universe

Okay, okay. I get it. Stay out of McDonald's!!!

This morning I decided I needed to get some coffee.

Since I've been out of work, I have developed some lazy habits. I still get up early every morning to take my son to school, however, when I come home, if I don't have something very specific and scheduled to do right away, some days I will lay back down and sleep until 11 or noon!!

Not productive.

So I've been trying to keep myself up and awake when I get home.

This morning, after I dropped my son off at school, I was feeling like I wanted to crawl back into bed. Very sleepy. So I thought I needed some coffee----that would keep me up, especially since I don't normally drink coffee.

Where is my favorite place to get caffeine in a cup? McDonald's. I knew it was risky for me to go there---with my McSkillet Burrito addiction/ban and all---but I thought I could handle it and ONLY get coffee in the drive-thru.

I pull into the McDonald's parking lot---go a few feet---and BAM!!! I get hit by an old man driving an SUV!!! He backed right into me as I was LAYING on my horn trying to get him to stop!!

Front bumper bent. Front right headlight busted.

I get it. I hear it loud and clear.

Stay out of the McDonald's parking lot!!!!

Day 3

It's Day 3 of my 30-day challenge and I have stayed away from McSkillet burritos! Actually, the last time I had one was April 29, so I COULD cheat and say this is already Day 7, but I'll start with Monday since that's the day I made the pledge.

I'm doing really great on eating, actually----I think a large part of that is my commitment to stay away from McSkillet burritos. "McSkillet burritos" represents all bad fast food in my mind, so I've actually stayed away from all of it so far!

I'm eating many more fruits and vegetables and I'm having at least one salad per day----I use very little dressing on my salads and even then I use Light Ranch. And I also use fresh spinach as the "leaves" of the salad to make it even more healthy.

I'm also drinking a lot more water!

I have renewed my love for PINEAPPLE, too!!! Pineapple is completely satisfying my craving for something sweet! Typing this is making me want some pineapple. (How does the plural of pineapple work? I'll have to google that.)

So far, so good!! I feel like I'm really getting back on track and---this may seem silly---but my stomach felt flatter this morning! lol I'm sure only in my imagination, but I'll take it!!

30-day challenge

I read Jenny McCarthy's blog on Oprah.com where she is doing a 30-day Challenge to give up SUGAR for 30 days.

She is encouraging viewers to also give up something for 30 days. So I thought about it. And there are many, many things I could give up for 30 days and be a better person for it.

Some of the ideas I had were:

• Sugar (that would be torture)
• White starching items (unhealthy carbs)
• Chocolate
• Red meat
• Television
• Diet pepsi/diet coke
• Artificial sweeteners---Equal and Sweet and Low
• Fast food
• All meat---go vegetarian for 30 days
• Dairy---or more specifically CHEESE
• Alcohol
• Eating after 7 p.m.

All of things would be very worthwhile for me to give up. And it would be awesome if I could commit to giving up one of these every 30 days, or so.

But I want to start small. So I decided to give up ONE thing for 30 days that has really impacted my health in a negative way.

THE MCDONALD'S MCSKILLET BURRITO

I LOVE these things. After I drop off my son from school, the first thing I think about is driving thru McDonald's on the way home to get a McSkillet Burrito. And it goes PERFECT with a McDonald's Medium Vanilla Iced Coffee. Those 2 things together---$4.74. I seriously get this for breakfast 3-4 times per week, which is TERRIBLE!!!

Here is the nutrition breakdown, from the McDonald's website:

McSkillet burrito: 610 calories, 36 grams of fat, 14 grams saturated fat, 1,390 grams of sodium, 44 grams carbohydrates, 27 grams protein

Medium vanilla iced coffee: 190 calories, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams saturated fat, 29 grams carbs, 28 grams of sugar

Total for the regular breakfast: 800 calories, 44 grams of fat, 73 grams of carbs

Yes, that is a little much before 8 a.m.

So my pledge to you today----GIVE UP McSKILLET BURRITOS for 30 DAYS!!! I can do it!!

I wanted one this morning BAD. But stayed away from the drive-thru!!!

Motivations

I'm getting back on track in my health and fitness journey!! Wooo-hoooooo!!!! (Finally!!)

It's only been a few days, but I feel my drive and passion coming back.

I feel a big shift in my thinking, too, this year. It's not about the numbers on the scale. It's about BEING HEALTHY. I don't care what the numbers say on the scale. I care about BEING HEALTHY.

I used to feel really embarrassed and humiliated about my weight. I was so ashamed at how I had let myself go. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I was embarrassed to meet new people---thinking they would just see my weight and not get to know ME.

I wanted those feelings to go away. I wanted to get rid of the embarrassment, shame and humiliation. THAT was my main motivation for losing weight.

It wasn't REALLY about my health. And it certainly wasn't because I loved myself enough to take care of myself. Well, that motivation didn't get me very far.

But I can honestly say my motivation has changed. The feelings of embarrassment, humiliation and shame have really, really, really diminished. I won't say they are gone completely, because I think that would be false. But on a scale of 1-100---they were at about a "99" two years ago, and now they are about a "15" or so--maybe even less than that.

I really don't think about my weight that often when I'm around others. I know if they are the kind of people I want in my life, they will love me anyway. If they don't like me because of my weight, they aren't the kind of people I want in my life. Simple as that. Nothing lost there.

It also helps that I am finally able to love MYSELF---despite letting myself get to this size. I hadn't been able to do that before. I was too disgusted with myself. I was the harshest judge of all. But that has changed. I do love and accept myself for where I am RIGHT NOW. (Thank you Discovery!---www.discovery-training.com )

But what I've been feeling soooo much lately is the lack of energy because of my weight. Now that I'm not letting my weight keep me isolated and away from things I want to do, I'm out there again. I'm involved. I'm living life. I'm active. I'm doing things I love.

But I don't have the energy to go full force. I can kind of be there, but I don't have the energy to participate like I want to. I participate a little---then need to sit down and rest. Then participate a little more---then sit down and rest.

THAT'S NO WAY TO LIVE!!!!!!

It is driving me NUTS!!! I want to be out there FULL FORCE doing the things I LOVE!! I want to DANCE for HOURS-----not just ONE freaking song, then have to sit down for a break!! I want to HIKE for HOURS!! Not just go for a little ways, then need to find a tree to sit down and catch my breath. I want to RUN!!! Not just walk for 1/4 of a mile and need to sit down for a break to catch my breath. I want to SWIM for hours!!! Not just 1 lap and need to stop and float for a while because I have to catch my breath!!

So I've finally got myself out there DOING things I love, but it is DRIVING ME CRAZY that I don't have the energy I need to FULLY be out there and LIVE LIFE!!

It affects me in so many ways.

So ENERGY. That is my main motivation right now.

LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

That's what I want. And I have to be healthy in order to do it.