Motivations

I'm getting back on track in my health and fitness journey!! Wooo-hoooooo!!!! (Finally!!)

It's only been a few days, but I feel my drive and passion coming back.

I feel a big shift in my thinking, too, this year. It's not about the numbers on the scale. It's about BEING HEALTHY. I don't care what the numbers say on the scale. I care about BEING HEALTHY.

I used to feel really embarrassed and humiliated about my weight. I was so ashamed at how I had let myself go. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I was embarrassed to meet new people---thinking they would just see my weight and not get to know ME.

I wanted those feelings to go away. I wanted to get rid of the embarrassment, shame and humiliation. THAT was my main motivation for losing weight.

It wasn't REALLY about my health. And it certainly wasn't because I loved myself enough to take care of myself. Well, that motivation didn't get me very far.

But I can honestly say my motivation has changed. The feelings of embarrassment, humiliation and shame have really, really, really diminished. I won't say they are gone completely, because I think that would be false. But on a scale of 1-100---they were at about a "99" two years ago, and now they are about a "15" or so--maybe even less than that.

I really don't think about my weight that often when I'm around others. I know if they are the kind of people I want in my life, they will love me anyway. If they don't like me because of my weight, they aren't the kind of people I want in my life. Simple as that. Nothing lost there.

It also helps that I am finally able to love MYSELF---despite letting myself get to this size. I hadn't been able to do that before. I was too disgusted with myself. I was the harshest judge of all. But that has changed. I do love and accept myself for where I am RIGHT NOW. (Thank you Discovery!---www.discovery-training.com )

But what I've been feeling soooo much lately is the lack of energy because of my weight. Now that I'm not letting my weight keep me isolated and away from things I want to do, I'm out there again. I'm involved. I'm living life. I'm active. I'm doing things I love.

But I don't have the energy to go full force. I can kind of be there, but I don't have the energy to participate like I want to. I participate a little---then need to sit down and rest. Then participate a little more---then sit down and rest.

THAT'S NO WAY TO LIVE!!!!!!

It is driving me NUTS!!! I want to be out there FULL FORCE doing the things I LOVE!! I want to DANCE for HOURS-----not just ONE freaking song, then have to sit down for a break!! I want to HIKE for HOURS!! Not just go for a little ways, then need to find a tree to sit down and catch my breath. I want to RUN!!! Not just walk for 1/4 of a mile and need to sit down for a break to catch my breath. I want to SWIM for hours!!! Not just 1 lap and need to stop and float for a while because I have to catch my breath!!

So I've finally got myself out there DOING things I love, but it is DRIVING ME CRAZY that I don't have the energy I need to FULLY be out there and LIVE LIFE!!

It affects me in so many ways.

So ENERGY. That is my main motivation right now.

LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

That's what I want. And I have to be healthy in order to do it.