Chicken wings

After my big blog entry yesterday about shifting my focus to the FOOD I eat, I went out last night and had a bunch of chicken wings. Fried, greasy, honey barbecued CHICKEN WINGS.

I don't even really LIKE chicken wings???!!!

I had always said I never wanted to live a life where I NEVER ate anything unhealthy. I just wanted to eat unhealthy things rarely. And when I did eat them---I wanted it to be something I really loved. Make it a real treat.

But is that the right way to go? Maybe unhealthy foods should just be off limits for me until I can get a grip on this and TRULY create new eating habits for myself.

When I looked at the menu last night, I saw the strawberry/spinach salad option. But it just wasn't something I would normally order, so I never really considered it as an option.

Maybe I need to establish myself as a "healthy eater" all the time FIRST, before I allow myself the occasional splurge. ONLY look at the healthy options until I can get a grip on that.

The chicken wings were not a splurge. That was me acting as my old self. Looking at a menu and moving right past the healthy options because I had the negative tape running in my head, "I don't order healthy options at a restaurant. "

Eating unhealthy foods just makes you crave more unhealthy foods. The exact opposite is also true.

Maybe I should make unhealthy foods off limits for a while?

Maybe I'm just thinking too much.

Shift in focus

I know I can't do everything at once. In the past, when I've started (yet another) big push to get healthy and fit, I would try to do it all---eat perfectly, exercise a lot, drink tons of water, no bad foods at all, etc. All at one time. I thought I could go from 0 to 100 overnight.

That would last MAYBE a 1-2 weeks. Usually not even that long.

I'd get frustrated with myself. "WHY CAN'T I JUST DO THIS???? WHY IS THIS SO HARD??"And go back to my old ways.

I'm sort of a perfectionist, which has really hurt me in my quest for health and fitness. I'm working on that.

So at the beginning of the year, I was going to the gym regularly (read early blog entries). I was doing GREAT! Therefore, I thought----okay, I'll JUST focus on exercise right now. I'm NOT going to worry about the food yet. I'll just get the regular exercise going.

One step at a time. Just move forward. Just make progress.

That was going great until I was laid off from my job in February and had to give up my gym membership. I'm also much more inactive now that I'm not working everyday. So any exercise I do now (walking, yoga, hiking, etc.) barely makes up for the loss of activity in my worklife. I'm still at a deficit activity-wise.

Therefore, I'm changing my focus to FOOD.

My trainer told me losing weight was 80 percent FOOD and 20 percent exercise. So if I'm going to focus on one of the two, why wouldn't it be food????

I had an epiphany about this while having lunch with a friend last week.

I remembered a time a few years ago when I was living in New York City. I was CRAZY NUTS about fitness back then. I had a personal trainer---there was a Crunch gym in my building. I was there every morning---5 a.m. I walked everywhere in the city. I was SUPER FIT, very strong and very healthy. Over about a year's time, I had lost about 80 pounds----weight I had gained during my pregnancy----then some more after the pregnancy. I also lost this weight by eating very healthy---but still splurged on unhealthy foods at least 3-4 times a week. Okay, probably more like I splurged on one unhealthy meal a day---I LOVED NYC diners!!! But the rest of the time I ate very healthy.

In 2000, I still had about 30 pounds I wanted to lose to get to my "goal weight".

At this time, I was going in for a major hip surgery---total hip replacement. I would be unable to walk for at LEAST 6 months. No more working out. No more walking everywhere. I was SCARED TO DEATH I would gain back all that weight that I had worked so hard to lose.

However, my NYC roommate/main caregiver/very close friend at the time totally saved me. He was a vegetarian and an EXTREME HEALTH NUT. Since I was bed-ridden for 2 months after the surgery, he was the one who brought me all my food---food which, of course, matched his extreme health nut ways. The only time I went out of the apartment was in a wheelchair with him pushing me---again, we would ONLY go to restaurants that had extreme-health-nut food.

No more splurging at all on unhealthy foods.

During that first 2 months, not only did I NOT gain any weight back---despite my inactivity---I actually LOST another 20 pounds!! Solely due to what I ate---even when I went from burning a TON of calories a day because of all my exercise to burning very little.

It's about the FOOD. Exercise makes you fit and toned and it is definitely wonderful and HELPS a LOT! Exercise is a MAJOR part of being healthy. But weight loss centers mainly around the FOOD.

So that's where I'm shifting my focus for now. It's about the food.

One step at a time.

Sign from the universe

Okay, okay. I get it. Stay out of McDonald's!!!

This morning I decided I needed to get some coffee.

Since I've been out of work, I have developed some lazy habits. I still get up early every morning to take my son to school, however, when I come home, if I don't have something very specific and scheduled to do right away, some days I will lay back down and sleep until 11 or noon!!

Not productive.

So I've been trying to keep myself up and awake when I get home.

This morning, after I dropped my son off at school, I was feeling like I wanted to crawl back into bed. Very sleepy. So I thought I needed some coffee----that would keep me up, especially since I don't normally drink coffee.

Where is my favorite place to get caffeine in a cup? McDonald's. I knew it was risky for me to go there---with my McSkillet Burrito addiction/ban and all---but I thought I could handle it and ONLY get coffee in the drive-thru.

I pull into the McDonald's parking lot---go a few feet---and BAM!!! I get hit by an old man driving an SUV!!! He backed right into me as I was LAYING on my horn trying to get him to stop!!

Front bumper bent. Front right headlight busted.

I get it. I hear it loud and clear.

Stay out of the McDonald's parking lot!!!!

Day 3

It's Day 3 of my 30-day challenge and I have stayed away from McSkillet burritos! Actually, the last time I had one was April 29, so I COULD cheat and say this is already Day 7, but I'll start with Monday since that's the day I made the pledge.

I'm doing really great on eating, actually----I think a large part of that is my commitment to stay away from McSkillet burritos. "McSkillet burritos" represents all bad fast food in my mind, so I've actually stayed away from all of it so far!

I'm eating many more fruits and vegetables and I'm having at least one salad per day----I use very little dressing on my salads and even then I use Light Ranch. And I also use fresh spinach as the "leaves" of the salad to make it even more healthy.

I'm also drinking a lot more water!

I have renewed my love for PINEAPPLE, too!!! Pineapple is completely satisfying my craving for something sweet! Typing this is making me want some pineapple. (How does the plural of pineapple work? I'll have to google that.)

So far, so good!! I feel like I'm really getting back on track and---this may seem silly---but my stomach felt flatter this morning! lol I'm sure only in my imagination, but I'll take it!!

30-day challenge

I read Jenny McCarthy's blog on Oprah.com where she is doing a 30-day Challenge to give up SUGAR for 30 days.

She is encouraging viewers to also give up something for 30 days. So I thought about it. And there are many, many things I could give up for 30 days and be a better person for it.

Some of the ideas I had were:

• Sugar (that would be torture)
• White starching items (unhealthy carbs)
• Chocolate
• Red meat
• Television
• Diet pepsi/diet coke
• Artificial sweeteners---Equal and Sweet and Low
• Fast food
• All meat---go vegetarian for 30 days
• Dairy---or more specifically CHEESE
• Alcohol
• Eating after 7 p.m.

All of things would be very worthwhile for me to give up. And it would be awesome if I could commit to giving up one of these every 30 days, or so.

But I want to start small. So I decided to give up ONE thing for 30 days that has really impacted my health in a negative way.

THE MCDONALD'S MCSKILLET BURRITO

I LOVE these things. After I drop off my son from school, the first thing I think about is driving thru McDonald's on the way home to get a McSkillet Burrito. And it goes PERFECT with a McDonald's Medium Vanilla Iced Coffee. Those 2 things together---$4.74. I seriously get this for breakfast 3-4 times per week, which is TERRIBLE!!!

Here is the nutrition breakdown, from the McDonald's website:

McSkillet burrito: 610 calories, 36 grams of fat, 14 grams saturated fat, 1,390 grams of sodium, 44 grams carbohydrates, 27 grams protein

Medium vanilla iced coffee: 190 calories, 8 grams of fat, 5 grams saturated fat, 29 grams carbs, 28 grams of sugar

Total for the regular breakfast: 800 calories, 44 grams of fat, 73 grams of carbs

Yes, that is a little much before 8 a.m.

So my pledge to you today----GIVE UP McSKILLET BURRITOS for 30 DAYS!!! I can do it!!

I wanted one this morning BAD. But stayed away from the drive-thru!!!

Motivations

I'm getting back on track in my health and fitness journey!! Wooo-hoooooo!!!! (Finally!!)

It's only been a few days, but I feel my drive and passion coming back.

I feel a big shift in my thinking, too, this year. It's not about the numbers on the scale. It's about BEING HEALTHY. I don't care what the numbers say on the scale. I care about BEING HEALTHY.

I used to feel really embarrassed and humiliated about my weight. I was so ashamed at how I had let myself go. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I was embarrassed to meet new people---thinking they would just see my weight and not get to know ME.

I wanted those feelings to go away. I wanted to get rid of the embarrassment, shame and humiliation. THAT was my main motivation for losing weight.

It wasn't REALLY about my health. And it certainly wasn't because I loved myself enough to take care of myself. Well, that motivation didn't get me very far.

But I can honestly say my motivation has changed. The feelings of embarrassment, humiliation and shame have really, really, really diminished. I won't say they are gone completely, because I think that would be false. But on a scale of 1-100---they were at about a "99" two years ago, and now they are about a "15" or so--maybe even less than that.

I really don't think about my weight that often when I'm around others. I know if they are the kind of people I want in my life, they will love me anyway. If they don't like me because of my weight, they aren't the kind of people I want in my life. Simple as that. Nothing lost there.

It also helps that I am finally able to love MYSELF---despite letting myself get to this size. I hadn't been able to do that before. I was too disgusted with myself. I was the harshest judge of all. But that has changed. I do love and accept myself for where I am RIGHT NOW. (Thank you Discovery!---www.discovery-training.com )

But what I've been feeling soooo much lately is the lack of energy because of my weight. Now that I'm not letting my weight keep me isolated and away from things I want to do, I'm out there again. I'm involved. I'm living life. I'm active. I'm doing things I love.

But I don't have the energy to go full force. I can kind of be there, but I don't have the energy to participate like I want to. I participate a little---then need to sit down and rest. Then participate a little more---then sit down and rest.

THAT'S NO WAY TO LIVE!!!!!!

It is driving me NUTS!!! I want to be out there FULL FORCE doing the things I LOVE!! I want to DANCE for HOURS-----not just ONE freaking song, then have to sit down for a break!! I want to HIKE for HOURS!! Not just go for a little ways, then need to find a tree to sit down and catch my breath. I want to RUN!!! Not just walk for 1/4 of a mile and need to sit down for a break to catch my breath. I want to SWIM for hours!!! Not just 1 lap and need to stop and float for a while because I have to catch my breath!!

So I've finally got myself out there DOING things I love, but it is DRIVING ME CRAZY that I don't have the energy I need to FULLY be out there and LIVE LIFE!!

It affects me in so many ways.

So ENERGY. That is my main motivation right now.

LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

That's what I want. And I have to be healthy in order to do it.

Still around

I haven't posted a blog entry in over a month.

You would think being unemployed would give you more time to do all sorts of things you didn't have the time to do before. And, in theory, it does. But it just doesn't always actually work out that way.

It's so easy to get in a rut. It's so easy to isolate yourself.

I knew I liked to be around people, but I'm realizing I have a real NEED to be around people!!! Lots of them. Every single day. For around, say, 8 hours a day.

So I kind of went into a mini-hibernation there for a while. But I can feel myself coming out of it. Honestly, the fitness journey has taken a backseat. I have been more worried about ruts, my emotional health and slipping into a major depression.

I was on the brink. I was in serious danger of really falling down hard for a while there, but I think I'm okay. I think (I hope) the worst is over. I'm getting back up again. And that's what counts.

"It's not how many times you fall. It's how many times you get up."

More posts to come!

Actually, I have made some progress in my health and fitness journey just in the last week! I'll share soon.