Motivations

I'm getting back on track in my health and fitness journey!! Wooo-hoooooo!!!! (Finally!!)

It's only been a few days, but I feel my drive and passion coming back.

I feel a big shift in my thinking, too, this year. It's not about the numbers on the scale. It's about BEING HEALTHY. I don't care what the numbers say on the scale. I care about BEING HEALTHY.

I used to feel really embarrassed and humiliated about my weight. I was so ashamed at how I had let myself go. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I was embarrassed to meet new people---thinking they would just see my weight and not get to know ME.

I wanted those feelings to go away. I wanted to get rid of the embarrassment, shame and humiliation. THAT was my main motivation for losing weight.

It wasn't REALLY about my health. And it certainly wasn't because I loved myself enough to take care of myself. Well, that motivation didn't get me very far.

But I can honestly say my motivation has changed. The feelings of embarrassment, humiliation and shame have really, really, really diminished. I won't say they are gone completely, because I think that would be false. But on a scale of 1-100---they were at about a "99" two years ago, and now they are about a "15" or so--maybe even less than that.

I really don't think about my weight that often when I'm around others. I know if they are the kind of people I want in my life, they will love me anyway. If they don't like me because of my weight, they aren't the kind of people I want in my life. Simple as that. Nothing lost there.

It also helps that I am finally able to love MYSELF---despite letting myself get to this size. I hadn't been able to do that before. I was too disgusted with myself. I was the harshest judge of all. But that has changed. I do love and accept myself for where I am RIGHT NOW. (Thank you Discovery!---www.discovery-training.com )

But what I've been feeling soooo much lately is the lack of energy because of my weight. Now that I'm not letting my weight keep me isolated and away from things I want to do, I'm out there again. I'm involved. I'm living life. I'm active. I'm doing things I love.

But I don't have the energy to go full force. I can kind of be there, but I don't have the energy to participate like I want to. I participate a little---then need to sit down and rest. Then participate a little more---then sit down and rest.

THAT'S NO WAY TO LIVE!!!!!!

It is driving me NUTS!!! I want to be out there FULL FORCE doing the things I LOVE!! I want to DANCE for HOURS-----not just ONE freaking song, then have to sit down for a break!! I want to HIKE for HOURS!! Not just go for a little ways, then need to find a tree to sit down and catch my breath. I want to RUN!!! Not just walk for 1/4 of a mile and need to sit down for a break to catch my breath. I want to SWIM for hours!!! Not just 1 lap and need to stop and float for a while because I have to catch my breath!!

So I've finally got myself out there DOING things I love, but it is DRIVING ME CRAZY that I don't have the energy I need to FULLY be out there and LIVE LIFE!!

It affects me in so many ways.

So ENERGY. That is my main motivation right now.

LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

That's what I want. And I have to be healthy in order to do it.

Still around

I haven't posted a blog entry in over a month.

You would think being unemployed would give you more time to do all sorts of things you didn't have the time to do before. And, in theory, it does. But it just doesn't always actually work out that way.

It's so easy to get in a rut. It's so easy to isolate yourself.

I knew I liked to be around people, but I'm realizing I have a real NEED to be around people!!! Lots of them. Every single day. For around, say, 8 hours a day.

So I kind of went into a mini-hibernation there for a while. But I can feel myself coming out of it. Honestly, the fitness journey has taken a backseat. I have been more worried about ruts, my emotional health and slipping into a major depression.

I was on the brink. I was in serious danger of really falling down hard for a while there, but I think I'm okay. I think (I hope) the worst is over. I'm getting back up again. And that's what counts.

"It's not how many times you fall. It's how many times you get up."

More posts to come!

Actually, I have made some progress in my health and fitness journey just in the last week! I'll share soon.

February recap

We are starting a new month, so this is the perfect time to look back at February and see how I did according to my Happy Face Rewards system.

Recap of my Happy Face Rewards system: I reward myself a happy face sticker on a calendar in my bedroom every time I accomplished a health-related goal for that day.

Here is the key I'm using:

• Red happy face sticker---Took a multivitamin


• Blue happy face sticker---Drank 64 ounces of water


• Yellow happy face sticker--Work out at the gym


• Pink happy face sticker--Did yoga


• Green happy face sticker--5 servings of fruits and vegetables


• Purple happy face sticker--No fast food or restaurant food

I am taking this health journey slow and steady. I want it to LAST. I want this to be a LIFESTYLE change. I am not looking for quick fixes. I'm trying to change my life. And that won't happen overnight.

So even just ONE sticker in the month of February in any of these categories would be an improvement. That would be progress.

But my goal is to get these down---where I have at least 25 per month---then add new categories that are more challenging. In March, I'm keeping the same categories, because as you will see I still have a ways to go to make these 6 things a regular part of my life!

Out of 28 days in February (3 of which I was out of town and did not use stickers at all)---so we're really looking at 25 eligible days.

• I earned the RED happy face sticker (taking a multivitamin) the most with all 25 days!! So 100 percent of the eligible days in February, I took a multivitamin!! That is HUGE progress in my health and fitness journey. In January---I didn't take a multivitamin even one day. So wooo-hooooo for me!!!



• I earned the YELLOW happy face sticker (workout at the gym) the second most with 15 days out of 25 days, which is 60 percent of all eligible days in February. I really slacked off in this category last week, otherwise I was on track for a much higher percentage. But 15 days is AWESOME!!! I'm very proud of myself for that and another HUGE amount of progress in my health and fitness journey. In January, I probably went about 5 days.
  
  
• I earned the PINK happy face sticker (yoga) 6 times---I do yoga on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so really there was 8 opportunities for this. I want to increase that at some point, but for now I'm going for twice a week. Six times of doing yoga in February is awesome. Again--it's all about progress and improvement over last month, which that is.

Now I have a LOT of room for improvement in the next 3 categories!

• I earned the GREEN sticker (5 servings of fruits and vegetables) 7 times out of 25 days, which is 28 percent of the time. Not great, but I guarantee in January I would have earned this sticker zero times. So this is a HUGE improvement and definitely progress. So I'm very proud of myself.


• I earned the BLUE sticker (at least 64 ounces of water) 5 times out of 25 days, which is 20 percent. Again, lots of room for improvement but I would have earned this sticker zero times in January. So progress. Moving in the right direction.


• And finally, this is the one I'm most concerned about. I earned the PURPLE sticker (no fast food or bad restaurant food) only TWO times in all of February!! OMG!! Can we all identify the main problem in my getting healthy and fit journey right now? Yeah. I love convenience. I love cheap food. It's just plain lazy. And restaurant food is sooo good. It's so hard to order something healthy!!

Of course, these are all terrible excuses. It's about making the right choices. When I order a McSkillet burrito in the McDonald's drive-thru, I'm choosing to stay fat. That is my choice at that moment. When I have a chicken quesadilla for lunch, I'm again choosing to stay fat. I'm not choosing health and fitness.

I have the choice to get healthy and fit many times throughout the day and or make the choice to stay fat. I have to make better choices.

So in March, my goal is to improve in EVERY category. It's all about progress. Taking one step at a time. I'm very proud of myself!!

Back from casting

I went to the Biggest Loser casting on Saturday and had a very interesting experience! I'm so happy I went!

I did not get a callback. Honestly, once I got there and got to know some of the people, I knew I wasn't getting a callback. There were people there with AMAZING, heartbreaking stories. I kept thinking, "Wow! I don't have a chance against these people! I'm just fat!!"

But it was very beneficial for me to be there. I saw all these very overweight people pouring out their hearts about how their weight affects their lives and how miserable they are. They all said they were ready to work hard and make the change now.

But in the next breath, they talked about how they've tried out for every season for the last several years. So were they really "ready" to make the change every year?

I don't know. There's just something really unsettling to me about that. I do NOT want to be one of those people who try out year after year and say I'm "ready" for a change because my life is so miserable, but wait around on a reality show to make that change for me.

We do have control over what we put in our mouths and how often we move our bodies. I know it's hard and it's not convenient. But most of us do have control and we CAN do it on our own. We don't NEED the Biggest Loser for us to lose this weight and improve our lives.

So if I'm really READY to make this change, then I won't be eligible to try out next year because I will have made the change myself. Now it won't happen as fast as being on a reality show where I can work out 8 hours a day and not be tempted by McDonalds and Taco Bell.

But I CAN do it. It IS under my control.

I'm fat because I eat bad foods. I'm fat because I eat more food than my body needs. I'm fat because I don't exercise as much as I can. I'm fat because I watch too much television.

It has nothing to do with whether I've been cast on a reality television show.

I can do this.

The Biggest Loser

I have very exciting news!!

On Saturday, I will be auditioning for NBC's "The Biggest Loser" in Dallas!

I know the chances are very slim (pardon the pun) that I will be cast on the show, but I think it will be a really fun and interesting experience just to audition.

And who knows what could happen? Being on the show would be a DREAM COME TRUE!!! I'm as good as anyone else they could choose!

So wish me luck! Pray for me! Whatever might help me! :-)

I'll let you know how it goes. I'm totally excited!

Either way, I am committed to this health and fitness journey whether I'm on a reality show or not. I think auditioning for The Biggest Loser is a statement to myself that I'm READY for change in my life now.

I gotta make it happen and I have to explore every opportunity that could help me make this big life change!

Shin splints suck

I decided to step up my workouts at the gym this week and start running on the treadmill. I thought this would have at least 3 benefits:

1. Higher intensity=less time on the treadmill
2. If I'm working harder, then I'm less likely to focus on how BORING being on the treadmill is
3. I've always wanted to be a runner. I think there is a runner inside of me begging to get out. I think about running. I dream about running. I remember loving to run when I was younger. I feel this real urge to run. So I can start my journey towards becoming a runner!

I also realized for the first time that you don't have to be at a high speed on the treadmill in order to run. I can actually run at the same speed I walk by doing a light jog.

I thought that was a great place to start.

So Monday, I started to run on the treadmill. I would jog for about 2 minutes, then walk for about 2 minutes. Then jog for 2 minutes, walk for 2-3 minutes. It was hard, but it felt great. My heart was pumping!

Tuesday morning I did yoga. Right after I did yoga, I started to feel pain in my shins. But not too bad. I felt a soreness all over my body, so I didn't think much about it.

When I went to the gym on Tuesday evening, I did the same jogging/walking thing on the treadmill. Again, I was sore. But I thought that was just part of it.

Wednesday morning I woke up and I could barely walk. The pain in my shins was pretty brutal. Thursday (yesterday) the pain was even worse. I was limping around everywhere. I still did yoga Thursday morning, but it was lighter yoga. When I went to the gym Thursday afternoon, I just did upper body stuff. No cardio or anything with my legs. I just limped and groaned from one machine to the next.

Today my shins are KILLING ME!!!! OMG!!! I cannot believe how painful this is!!!

Should I keep trying to run? Is this going to happen everytime I try to run?

I guess I need to do some research.

Earning happy faces

My "Happy Face Rewards" system is working!

On Thursdays, my son works out with a trainer. Therefore, Thursday is the only day of the week that Blake can go to the gym without a parent there with him. So it makes it very easy for me to skip out on the gym that day.

So yesterday was Thursday. I was leaning towards just dropping him off, but I wore workout clothes just in case I got the urge to go in. I pulled in the parking lot and knew I had to make the decision right then and there. Do I go in the gym willingly? Or do I let him out and come pick him up in 45 minutes?

Then I thought of my Happy Face stickers. And the decision was clear. I was going in.

I wanted that yellow Happy Face Sticker!!!! :-)